30 Random Reasons I Knew You Were The One


1. Our pet names for one another have distinctly derogatory connotations. We appear to be almost constantly insulting each other. No one quite understands.

2. Early in our relationship, childless weekends were often spent in separate rooms playing separate video games with the occasional wave, jibe at poor playing skills, and the exchanging of snacks via a quick toss between game loads.

3. Our first date was a lunch date, which I informed you –according to Just Friends- was instant friend zone status. You basically held me hostage until dinner time where you forced me to eat fancy Italian food and drink the best wine I have ever had. At least you let me beat you in Call of Duty in the mean time.

4. You pretend to care about Lord of the Rings so I can occasionally (okay often) recite my vast, useless knowledge concerning the topic, with truly herculean patience.

5. You can now name three of the Valar and a few of the Maiar and have a better understanding of why the latest Hobbit movie irrationally irritated me. Even if we both know you really don’t care.

6. I traded you the name of our first born child for our potential honeymoon destination. You don’t appear to be judging me for this.

7. You are constantly trying to scare the shit out of me. I enter every room in our house like Mulder from X Files.

8. You have a Harry Potter wand that doubles as a T.V. remote. That might have been the moment I knew I loved you.

9. You once let me draw a Harry Potter scar on your forehead with eyeliner when you were drunk and didn’t break up with me for sharing it on Facebook. I’m pretty sure you considered it though.

10. You take exactly 10min showers. It’s almost like a Beautiful Mind… but with more soap and nakedness.

11. You go inside the Lush store and only complain a little bit. Unless we are in there for longer than about fifteen minutes, and then you lose your shit like a cranky toddler at the doctor’s office.

12. You let me poop first after long trips so I don’t have to linger in your vomit worthy odor.

13. You pretend you don’t know that I know that you know you’re letting me poop first.

14. You throw out socks if they don’t have a match. The missing one is usually in my sock drawer because I stole it. I get sick pleasure from sneaking it back into your drawer and watching the resulting exasperation and confusion.

15. You nearly have anxiety attacks if I wear mismatching socks. I try to do this often.

16. You are terrible at movie trivia, borderline 80 year old woman in a nursing home, bad.

17. You quote Scrubs more often than I quote Harry Potter. Which is a lot.

18. You once made me Butterbeer…. It was awesome.

19. You do infuriatingly accurate impressions of me.

20. You constantly change your contact name in my phone. Currently you are ‘Han Solo.’ Jokes on you, I’m more of a Skywalker fan.

21. You told your best friend we were officially a couple over Call of Duty. It was achingly reminiscent of middle school. Minus braces and weird body odor smells.

22. For Christmas you wrapped a bag of Flamin Hot Cheetoes. This was the same Christmas you proposed marriage to me.

23. You have adapted your cooking style to accommodate my sick cheese fetish.

24. You pretend to understand my obsession with a space-western that was canceled more than ten years ago.

25. You now, unfortunately, notice when women have unkempt eyebrows.

26. You refused to talk to me for almost three hours because I didn’t warn you about the infamous ‘Red Wedding’ episode of Game of Thrones. My laughing maniacally in the corner probably didn’t help.

27. You sleep in the weirdest positions of any person I have ever met. Normal people cannot bend their wrists and elbows like that. You are a sick freak.

28. You know that I have no sense of humor before 9am on a Saturday. This seems to only encourage you.

29. You appreciate what a crippling loss in League of Legends does to myself esteem and respectfully allow for ten minutes of silent fuming before you detail every mistake I made during the match.

30. You kiss my cheek every morning and brush my hair out of my face before you go to work despite the fact I know I snore and sleep with my mouth wiiiiide open. I probably drooled on that cheek. You’re a brave, sweet man. No, that does not mean I will call you Thorin, even if you do have the ‘only right’. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I feel a bit too old for this, but here we are. – A Memoir by Me

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