DO YOU CONSTANTLY FIND YOURSELF DELETING THINGS THAT NOBODY “LIKED” OR “RETWEETED” OR “FAVORITED” BECAUSE YOU FEEL LAME AND STUPID?

“People’s memories are maybe the fuel they burn to stay alive.”

That one stupid thing you said two years ago that has somehow become your favorite subject with which to torture yourself while trying to fall asleep. No one remembers it…

Have you ever wondered about what it’s like to live in a place other than where you are?

Women can’t seem to get enough of chasing men around in circles.

He left a trail of mangled bodies after purposefully botching surgeries. There was the man who came in with arm spasms only to wake up with his arms amputated.

We all seem to agree that young women are embracing hookup culture as fervently as their male peers. But according to a recent study led by the Kinsey Institute’s Dr.…

Mariah liked to envelop herself in white silk lingerie in her white silk sheets and bedspread.

He is not texting back. Do you think he is waiting for something or busy or what?!

If you look down your nose on this last-minute solution simply because it contains the word “toilet,” you are ruining your whole life.

1. Money: I will admit that having a “real world” job is cool in the sense that you don’t need to cross your fingers and hold your breath when the…

Inevitable growing pains.

1. Have a roommate you love.

2. At least five of your friends have surnames that end with the suffix “-eaux.” Many of them have surnames that the untrained eye can’t pronounce correctly.

What’s that you feel? Are those real tears running down your cheek? They immediately harden to ice in the bitter New York winter. You decide to leave them there.

4. Always have at least 3-5 places ready to go if asked to recommend a place for brunch.

I’ve always mulled over its ethicality and it recently hit me that I may just be missing the point entirely. Because the point isn’t what you find when you snoop;…

It’s no secret that an apartment inhabited by young males is one of the scarier places on earth.

Do you use porn?

Her name was Marie. That’s all I knew at first.

1. You are a bad person who deserves bad things. 2. You are unhappy because you are lazy or lacking in willpower. Happiness is a choice, a choice that you…

1. Always (ALWAYS) have plans in the back of your mind:

There are certain relationships that are meant to dissolve into the time-space continuum behind you, and you should absolutely not feel bad about that.

Their first violation of the social contract was in emerging from the womb, thereby increasing cumulative global repulsiveness, a new wart on the face of humanity, one more unwanted animal.…

The debate is out on chivalry: have women killed it, lowering their expectations to such distressing lows that no man will bother opening a door for a lady again?

3. We’re all alcoholics.

When inviting a Minnesotan over for dinner, it’s common practice for them to refuse twice, to test out whether you are “just being nice” or are genuinely interested in their…

So I began to think maybe it was true that when you were married and had children it was like being brainwashed, and afterward you went about as numb as…

“I can’t keep referring to basketball players as Khloe Kardashian’s husband and his friends.”

There’s good self-consciousness, and then there’s toxic, paralyzing, raped-by-psychic-Bedouins self-consciousness.

Holy crap.

You will lead the zombie revolution. I am terrified of you.

“Hey man, don’t come. I was just going to rob you, but I heard some kids in the background when we were talking on the phone.”

After a couple weeks working at The Company, I still hadn’t been able to get it down. I tried dietary supplements, eating at different times, Wiccan chants… and none of…

Girl what’s the tea?

You went through an angsty phase where you tried to sell your new sibling.

No high fives or fist bumps in middle school. “Safety reasons and makes people feel left out”

Books. Actual hard copy books that you can scribble notes in and mark off sections of and smell ink through and hear the sound of turning pages and bending spines…

Our company had a little person working in the head office. She got fired because she hid inside a paper recycle bin and scared some employees.

4. She really cared about making a good impression on your mother.

You will wander around the house in the same food-stained t-shirt and pungent-smelling pajama bottoms for days on end; a pitiful state where just putting on pants may be the…

Don’t be judgmental.

7. “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”

Your GPA is only important if you are applying to Law School, Med School, or any other Grad Program

I don’t deserve a woman as good as she. Though she concedes that we are all human and make mistakes, that doesn’t excuse the fact that I continue to fail…

You have an aggressive and confrontational demeanor. You don’t start fights, but you’re known to assert yourself when necessary.

1. When people try to get on a train or elevator before I have a chance to step off.

SVU is the foundation upon which binge watching has been built.

“When I woke up i looked outside and she was gone, but the word “soon” was scratched weakly into the door.”

I was hanging out with a friend recently (let’s call him James) when we passed a cheapish department store.