9 Signs You’re Dating A Commitment-Phobe

Don’t feel bad. In this case it really is them and not you. Trust me…I know. I am one of them.
Flickr / charming meiler
Flickr / charming meiler

Even After A Really Great Date, They “Ghost” You

You may have thought seeing a movie and grabbing dinner was the most brilliant, butterfly-inducing date you could have had with your crush…only to have them drop off the face of the earth for a week afterwards. If they’re ghosting you, they’ll come up with creative excuses as to why they won’t hang out with you, such as homework, or friends, or getting a busted toe-nail removed. You’ll wonder if you dreamt the date by how cold they’re acting. This is perhaps the most tell-tale sign that you’re crushing on a commitment-phobe.

They Look For Small Insignificant Reasons “It Wont Work”

You may be mentioning that you just don’t get the hype over House Of Cards only to be met with a comment from the commitment phobe such as, “Yeah, see! This is why we probably wouldn’t work out…we just watch different TV shows.” A true commitment-phobe will dissect every facet of your appearance and personality, carefully looking for banal things that will make it easy to explain why the two of you would never work.

They Rag On Other Couples

“Susie is always trying to control Robbie, not letting him go out every night with his friends,” a commitment phobe may note. They’ll scrutinize every aspect of other’s relationships in an attempt to convince themselves that they’ll never be like those couples when they find, “the one.” This is actually just a defense mechanism commitment-phobes use to make themselves feel better about the paralyzing fear they have of letting someone love them.

They Scoff At Overt Displays Of Affection

They’ll make comments as they see couples walking down the street holding hands. They’ll take jabs at romantic comedies and love songs and try to write them off as, “trite” or “infantile” because it is easier for them to make light of love instead of actually letting it happen. Commitment-phobes might mock The Notebook, but only because deep down they really want to be Rachel McAdams fucking Ryan Gosling in the old house.

They Make Excuses To End Dates Early

A date will only just have started, and suddenly they’ll remember they have a huge assignment due tomorrow. You’ll see them fidget in their seat and proclaim after the bread basket that they have food poisoning and need to leave immediately. Usually this isn’t your fault, commitment-phobes are allergic to things that feel comfortable and right…chances are they’re probably going home to masturbate or drink a bottle of wine with Netflix.

They Try To Talk You Out Of The Relationship

“You wouldn’t want to date someone like me…” they’ll joke as if you liking them is some sort of unlucky mistake. Well, of course I want to date you or else I wouldn’t have invited you over to eat cookies with me, you’ll think. A true commitment-phobe will highlight all their negative qualities in a test to see if they can scare you off. This may include burping and yelling rude things loudly in a restaurant. The commitment phobe is testing the waters, hoping that you’ll back out so they won’t have to.

They Refuse To Introduce You To Their Friends And Family

Nothing says commitment like meeting the best friend, or mother thus commitment phobes would rather light themselves on fire than subject themselves to introducing the person they’re seeing to their loved ones. Their friends may not even know you exist and every time they leave to hang out with you, they may be telling the people around them that they’re running to Walmart. If your relationship starts to feel like a secret, realize that it unfortunately probably is.

When People Ask They Respond That You Two Are, “Friends.”

Commitment-phobes hate labels more than anything, so even if you two are spending every waking moment together, they’ll probably never refer to you as their significant other. I was once dating a boy for two years who introduced me to his mom as his, “pal.” That shit stung.

They Refuse To Spend The Night

Nothing says commitment more like bringing an over night bag to someone’s house. Nothing says we should make breakfast and have cute morning sex with morning breath than spending the night. All these things are things that make the alarms go off in a commitment-phobe’s head. They’ll proclaim that they just really like sleeping in their own bed. Maybe this is true, but maybe it’s also uncomfortable for them how perfect spooning can feel. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Shawn Binder

eBook ‘Everything Is Embarrassing’ out in 2014.

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