Follow me on this mystical journey through all things vodka cranberry, too-tight Forever 21 dresses, and miming our way over the N-word in our favorite rap song. For it is…

Say what you are saying as simply as possible. Your goal isn’t to show the other person how smart you are, it’s to convince the other person to see things…

Close your eyes and imagine the most delicious food you can think of. Fry it and put it on a stick and you can buy it at the state fair.

Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come.

As I’ve often said, “Insight is not enough.” We’ve all had breakthroughs in our thinking, but they only make our lives change if they make our behavior change.

I don’t know how this movie passed through the censorship boards, but I’m glad it did. It’s perfect. Just don’t drink Starbucks afterward.

These 21 documentaries cover everything from homeless tunnel dwellers to dolphin hunters to cocaine cowboys, and they’re all awesome!

Talking about what you’re going to do makes you a lot less likely to actually do it. Keep your plans to yourself.

Are hot guys a blessing or a curse?

There is nothing worse than listening to people rationalize or justify or downplay the amazing, perfect food that they are about to ingest.

Because real creation isn’t just in what we mindlessly do and think about, it’s what we feel and embrace and perpetuate with all of our senses.

5. Stop Overthinking Things

If you have an alarm sound that is one of your favorite songs, change it immediately. There is no reason to ruin that song for yourself for the rest of…

1. I am going to face it. Don’t run away from it. Don’t treat it like it’s not there, like it has never happened — this will only prolong the…

Took my own braces off with nail clippers.

None of them like to talk about the same subjects you do anymore, and every time you try to bring up art or politics, they look at you like you’re…

The gang was not interested in robbing Jessica Simpson because her purses weren’t real leather.

36. “Only time can heal his heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs.” – Miss Piggy

Don’t sell your time to someone else’s purpose. You can do better. Be poor for a while if that’s what it will take.

I could probably make this entire list David Sedaris. But I didn’t because I have restraint.

Even if things are as bad as they could possible be, and as meaningless, then matters of truth are themselves indifferent; we may as well please our sensibilities and, with…

In some ways, it is a compliment. When you are more rude or flippant or hurtful with a very close friend, it is a way of saying to them, “I…

Poetry is something like normal prose accelerated, and Kanye West is a poet.

We all know that couple who is constantly “breaking up,” making dramatic exits and carrying on these absurd public fights on a bi-weekly basis because, one can only imagine, they…

I would not bang you on a coat. I would not bang you, with a goat.

7. You give me reasons to want to be better, but I need to be better for me.

Let’s go over the rules one more time. #1: We’re not spending over $5.

11. You are only a woman if you are biologically born that way.

The quota of timed jumping in the air photos for the entire world has been met now. Thank you for your cooperation.

1. TRIVIA CONTESTS IN BARS

Then, around 5 PM, you attempt to eat a sandwich to replenish your depleted hit points and end up falling asleep in your dinner plate, covered head-to-toe in a second…

“I do not trust people who don’t love themselves and yet tell me, ‘I love you.’ There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers…

RSVP for your spot at the The Up Next launch party on June 20 at Pier 84 at Hudson River Park, New York City.

If you like Antonio Banderas or Benjamin Bratt, you’ll fall in love with Fidel Castro, Cuba’s sexiest paranoid psychopath. My theoretical hymen just broke talking about him.

Your friends will never understand.

Be prepared to be talking A LOT. Not just moaning, TALKING. TO. CREEPY. STRANGERS. A. LOT.

If your life wasn’t hard enough already, keep in mind that you could have a rare disorder that makes you reek of nasty fish odor!

Remember that a huge part of sex is learning, and we were all bad once, and there is nothing that a sexual novice needs in bed less than another faked…

You tell yourself he loves you. You shouldn’t have to.

Afternoons spent on AIM with friends, talking about crushes and perfecting your away messages to be the perfect mix of coy and enticing. (No combination of emo lyrics and illegible…

How you treat others who can do nothing for you.

Welcome to the Philippines, the most “gay-friendly” nation in Asia — or so they say.

Buttercup doesn’t fit the standard girl role. Her “spice” gives her tomboy mannerisms, making her the tough and strong one.

Since meeting my SD, I’ve gained 6 designer bags, a number of designer clothes, and wined and dined at countless fancy restaurants, many of which are Michelin-starred.

“If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance…

If the lighting is bad, we might have to pass on being in a picture (because even if we’re in it, we might not be in it).

Because of pesticides in the soil, rice contains huge quantities of inorganic arsenic, especially brown rice because the residues concentrate in the outer shell of the grain.

Do you also have a problem? If these following points sound like you, you may be an addict. But don’t worry. There’s a group for it. On Wednesdays we wear…

7. Bet it on a bad hand of poker.

“I think we both have been expecting this. I think this has been a long time coming…” you will tell your lies as you rise from the chair.