The Girl Who Treats You Like A Brother: She crashes on your couch or in your bed whenever she wants, and is happy to help you navigate the waters of what to wear. She’ll laze through your life as if it is her own, and always mentions that she’s so glad you guys are good friends. (You’ll hear the emphasis on the good, not the friends, and it will make you feel hopeful.) No matter how much you think that all of these are open invites, she’s still going to also ask for your advice when it comes to other guys she’s into. Trying to get on that roster always seems like a pipe dream because the guys she “goes for” are nothing like you. No matter how much you’d like to convince her that dating to type is bad, that’s a path of self-destruction she’s going to have to figure out on her own. You can’t help her.
The Girl Who Your Mom Would Love: Sure, she’s nice, kind, and sweet, and makes your bed for you as a surprise, but just because you can bring her home to mom doesn’t mean she’s perfect for you. As tempting as it is to want to do your parents proud and marry a girl so that your kids have the same childhood experience that you would, trying to recreate the past and live your glory days is a recipe for disaster. Your parents had a lot of struggles behind the scenes, dude (yes, even if they’re still together) and chances are your mom’s gonna love any girl whom you genuinely love. She’ll be proud of you for just treating a woman right. Go from there.
The Girl Who Is Your Polar Opposite: You’ll see her at a party — some coworker brought her — and she’s the only tattoos and exposed skin in a sea of suits and shift dresses. You think she’s crazy, unfiltered, and so very refreshing from your normal 9-to-6 life, and she thinks your schedule and gym sessions and shoe trees are funny, in part because they are so against what she has come to call normal. But then again, you don’t think she’s normal either — and that’s why you like her. Whether you’re dating her to shock the rest of your straight-laced friends or because you’re stagnant in your own life, no amount of her manic pixie dust is going to rub off on you. She can’t live your life for you, and you need to learn how to be a little crazy on your own.
The Friend With Benefits: You guys have hooked up a few times and then didn’t talk for weeks. The only time you text each other is at 10pm to see if the other is busy is with someone else. If not, then you hook up. There’s no basis for the relationship other than you find each other physically attractive. The thing is, you have other girls like this and she has other guys like this. Don’t complicate it with feelings that aren’t there – and no matter how “used” either of you feel, complicating this codependence with meaning will only make you feel worse. This isn’t Pretty Woman.
The One Who Is Always Just Out Of Your Grasp: You’ll text a little and see if she’s got plans later this weekend, but you know she’ll always be vague and say “yeah, that sounds cool” or simply just “maybe.” Instead, you try to play the cool guy and suggest you’ll see her around, but come 11 pm, she has stopped replying to texts. You know she’s around somewhere, though. And as much as her aloof nature pisses you off, you’ll wind up wondering what it would take for her to give your her undivided time. So you keep trying, but you eventually delete her number. She has a sixth sense for this and will text you to say hi a minute after you do. You’ll only ever be on each other’s peripherals, but never in plain sight.
Your Best Friend’s Ex: Seriously, how many girls are there in the world and you’re going to choose to go after someone that broke your best friend’s heart? If it was a just a few dates, that’s no big deal, but if it was a serious breakup, stay away. Not because of any sort of code, but how is he supposed to get over her if all of a sudden she’s back in his life with his close friend? Life is not How I Met Your Mother. If you’re going to choose someone over your best friend then you’d better plan on marrying them and finding a new best man.
The Young Girl: You’re almost 30 and a smoking hot 20 year-old comes along and you think you’ve found The One. You haven’t. It’s swell that she also likes to play video games and smoke weed, but there’s way too much life experiences in between those 10 years. You’re going to want to start calming down and she’s going to want to be young and make mistakes and figure out her life. This isn’t a diss on 20 year-olds at all, but you guys are going to constantly be frustrated with one another because you’re at COMPLETELY different phases of your life. If it’s a casual, fun thing, that’s fine, but don’t plan falling for a girl that was learning cursive when you were in calc.
The On Again Off Again: You know the girl that you’ve tried to date, but every time it turns into a huge disaster. Even though you know you’re not compatible at all, you go through this cycle of really liking each other, getting frustrated because you run into the same problems, breaking up, missing each other, then starting all over again. It’s never going to work out, no matter how many times you do the same thing. You’re an L shaped Tetris piece and she’s a Lego. It’s not that either of you are bad, but you’re always going to drive each other insane.