1. Not necessarily being someone who doesn’t want to do anything, just someone who doesn’t want to do things that involve a lot of… effort. Or movement. Or going outside. Or pants.
2. Having to perfect the “I just woke up like this” look, not out of desire to look effortlessly sexy, but out of sheer inability to actually put yourself together every day.
3. Not every store and restaurant having a drive-through option.
4. Ignoring texts for hours and days at a time not because you hate people, but because you just really don’t want to have to lie about what you’re doing to get out of having to go out. (But also kind of because you hate people too.)
You were the kid who absolutely hated gym class. You are still the kid who absolutely hates the gym and would rather do just about anything than have to suffer through a mile on the treadmill.
6. You consider your greatest blessing to be the fact that you are alive in a century that essentially enables you to hire someone to do everything you want and need. Unfortunately, there is no technology to prevent you from having to like, pee for yourself and answer the door when your food arrives. #TheStruggle.
7. Your ideal relationship would be one in which the two of you plan nights of laying on the couch and watching movies and ordering in. Unfortunately, not everybody considers this a “good time.” Ergo, the problem.
8. You cannot fathom why all the people posting pictures of their hiking adventures throughout the summer is something they enjoy and being subject to such nonsense is enough to get them an unfollow. (You’re not going to straight up de-friend them, you can mute them on Twitter and unfollow them on your feed, badda bing badda bum.)
9. You’re totally aware of the fact that eating less does far more than exercise when it comes to losing weight, and you consider this knowledge your biggest leg up, pun intended, on all those poor souls up at 5 a.m. wasting their lives away in misery at the gym. (Just kidding, fitness is important, this is the justification you have to say to yourself three times a day every day.)
10. You’re the kind of person who would rather keep the TV on all night than have to get out of bed to turn it off. This is a hypothetical scenario of which literally applies to many things in your life.
11. You always end up scrambling to do things last-minute, not because you’re a procrastinator, (well, maybe because of that) but mostly because you just didn’t feel like it.
12. There’s never been a time in which your living space has been completely organized. You like to call this the “lived in” look.
13. The things that genuinely make you happiest are like, napping and watching Netflix. It sounds dumb, but it’s your honest to goodness Truth. WHO ARE YOU TO DENY YOUR TRUTH?
14. You only shop online.
15. You’ve actually turned the car around and gone home after getting to a place and realizing that all the spots closest to the door were taken. You’ve written it off as being “too crowded,” but we all know the truth.
16. You evaluate whether or not you want to do something in terms of how far you’re going to have to walk for it.
17. You’re the most masterful bullshitter in the history of your known existence, and for this, you believe you deserve accolade for the perfection of such an artform.