Gillian Bennette

If you have a photo with what looks to be your ex-girlfriend, What. Are. You. Thinking?

Do you own suede booties? One pair? Cool, that’s not gonna cut it.

Every once in a while, get on hours-long customer service calls. That will swallow up hours of your time with someone you don’t want to be talking to.

I’m sure there are exceptions to this rule, and you should always do what’s right by you, but staying “friends” after the break up is (in my opinion) like walking around with a broken leg and no cast just hoping that it will heal itself. Sure. Sure it will. Good luck with that.

You love to greet other girls your age with “Ugh. I look gross.” Camaraderie achieved.

I gave you the perfect girlfriend, but I could never give you me. Those rare moments where I let you see what I wanted or who I was were fraught with panic for me and judgment from you.

Look for a guy who keeps his inbox at zero. That’s a responsible man you got on your hands. He’s prompt, he’s a go-getter, he isn’t afraid of correspondence!

Oh, you’re saying that the funny girl you want isn’t rude or sick like that? She’s supposed to be nice-funny! GOOD LUCK.