What Your Bathing Suit Says About You

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Shutterstock
Grab seven of your friends and line up for a group shot, it’s bikini season!

1. One Piece

The one piece bathing suit is either left over from your neighborhood swim team or was found hiding in the corner of Target’s swim section. It’s both a modest and practical choice. No one ever jumped into the deep end of pool and came up searching for their bathing suit top while wearing one of these. You might not get hit on when you’re at the pool but you’ll sure as hell look better than the rest of us when you’re finished swimming laps.

2. The Tankini

The tankini was made for people who know exactly what they’ve got going on and know exactly how they should flaunt it. Odds are, you roll up your tankini while sun bathing because everyone knows that you look skinnier while laying down. Tankini wearers also know that if you dig a small hole in the sand for your butt, you look even slimmer than the girls playing beach volleyball. Every girl should have one of these in their closet for low self-esteem days or bloated Sundays.

3. High Waisted Bikini Bottoms

Blame this one on the hipsters, but high waisted bikini bottoms are now a thing. And you know what? The hipsters were right on this one, this suit is the sexier cousin of the tankini. Channel your inner Betty Paige and pin a flower in your hair, you’re sure to be the stylish one of the group. And don’t worry about awkward tan lines, this suit goes great with high waisted shorts and crop tops.

4. Strapless Tops

There is no adventure with this swimwear, this is all about clean lines and looking good. There’s also a good chance you aren’t familiar with ‘spillage’ and you’ve never had to layer sports bras to avoid being a spectacle at the gym. Enjoy your smaller upper half and flawless tan while your top heavy friends have been battle tan lines akin to seatbelts all summer long.

5. String Bikini

Congrats on your recent weight loss or the completion of today’s WOD. You look good and you know it. Unlike the rest of us, you started preparing for summer the day last summer ended. You don’t know what New Year’s resolutions are and every time someone asks you how you stay in shape you say, “Oh I just eat right and exercise.” This is your time to shine so go ahead and stand front and center for the group shots, we really don’t mind.

6. The Birthday Suit

Hey shorty, it’s your birthday, we’re gonna party like it’s your birthday! But really, can we get an invite to hang out at the pool in your backyard? The birthday suit is adorned by two people: those who own their own pools and people fearless enough to wade in the waters of nude beaches. Party on, you never have to worry about finding a matching bottom and top ever again. TC Mark

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