We all promise we won’t lose touch. Friends forever. You’re like my brother. My sister. I won’t be gone for that long. We’re not going to change that much.

Snapchatting pictures of themselves getting blowjobs to their bros.

4) Turn off your “read receipts” !! Otherwise you are begging to get bombed by desperate texts like “??????????” and “I know you got my message ARE U ALIVE.”

Don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to make it logical; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.

Take the day off of work, & get uproariously drunk during normal business hours. If you leave home, do not operate heavy machinery to reach your next destination.

So many of your tagged Facebook photos have had to be deleted for professional reasons that you now have put an approval filter on them, just to streamline things.

We’ve said goodbye in driveways, bus stations, and airports, in parking lots and on street corners. Long distance relationships mean always having to say goodbye.

I’m done with thongs. At the tender age of 22 I am no longer willing to sacrifice my comfort for a tiny piece of fabric to rest way too close…

“Second star to the right — and straight on ’til morning.”

The Disney Channel Original Movie is a vital staple in the childhood of anyone who came of age within a half-mile of a TV in the late 90s and early…

14. You’re more emotional than usual. Example: A funny video about cats caused you to start crying. You hate cats.

Vitamin C’s “Graduation” will always reign supreme but I cannot listen to “Good Riddance” one more time. Here are some alternatives.

11. Buying Organic Anything – Where do hipsters get the money for this?! I have a 401(k) and I still cannot afford to spend $6 on strawberries.

We live in an age where we feel guilt whenever we have to cut someone off but the reality is that some relationships do need to die, some people do…

Are you ready to tear the club up?

Replacing the smoke alarm battery that has been beeping for the last several decades and to the sound of which you have simply grown accustomed.

Happiness is a choice. So I often wonder: Is sadness a choice too?

18. Being broke. Someone has to be, right? Hooray, capitalism!

Here are some reasons April is the best month to have your birthday.

Whenever I suggest “Don’t send your kids to college,” a lot of very smart people invariably respond: “Well, what else should they do?” And this amazes me. I guess it’s…

Couples showing affection during the workout. Yes, we get it, your babe is doing a good job and that’s fantastic, but you don’t have to let him/her know that with…

I know 90s email chain letters and sex ed taught us otherwise, but chlamydia doesn’t always look like a molded piece of broccoli vomiting up blood clots.

2. Sports Teams

Not all female friendships are founded on malicious competitiveness, jealousy and resentment. Some of us actually really care about each other.

When a guy hits on you at a bar, tell him directly but not unkindly, that you’re not interested.

If you are going bald, and are past the point of creating a reasonable facsimile of hair with a few good products and swishes of the comb, you just have…