Tag Team Match: Pumpkin Spice & Cider vs. Eggnog & Hot Chocolate
Eggnog is the mayonnaise of the holidays, meaning people either love it or are disgusted by its existence. As someone who gags at the thought of both mayonnaise and eggnog, I have some unavoidable biases if I’m the referee of this match. I’d reckon Pumpkin spice & cider take turns kicking Eggnog’s ass around the ring and things are looking grim, when Hot Chocolate somehow gets tagged in and cleans house… Temporarily. Unfortunately for Hot Chocolate, its partner in this scenario doesn’t contribute enough to prevail. Pumpkin Spice hits its finishing move called the Trenta Leg Drop, and walks out a victor alongside Cider.
WINNER: FALL (up 1-0)
Horror Movies vs. Christmas Movies
There’s a reason ABC Family does 25 Days of Christmas programming, but only 13 Nights of Halloween. And Halloween showings average 1.5 million viewers to Christmas’ 2.8. Christmas overwhelms Halloween and wins this battle in dominant fashion, as Home Alone puts Hocus Pocus in a figure four leg lock and makes it tap out. WINNER: WINTER (tied 1-1)
Cardigans vs. Pea coats
Both are magnificent articles of clothing that we love, but who would win in a head-to-head matchup? The cheaper price and wide selection of cardigans appeals, but then you remember that you can buy a pea coat and use it for multiple years, without a risk of a pesky hole in the armpit area. All things considered, I’m fairly certain Cardigans would take a beating, but somehow manage to survive and land a last second kick to the chin that knocks Pea coats out. WINNER: FALL (up 2-1)
Christmas Decorations vs. Halloween Candy
You see candy every time you enter a grocery story, but epic, colorful lights on homes and businesses don’t happen as often. Because of their less common appearance, the crowd goes wild for Christmas Decorations, and the expanded selection of candy that Halloween offers is overlooked. Christmas Decorations body slams Halloween Candy and pins it for a hasty victory. WINNER: WINTER (tied 2-2)
Sunny Days vs. Freezing Days
Since we get to wear aforementioned cardigans, it looks like sunny, perfect days defeat an extreme, icy temperature. It’s easier to warm up than cool off, so if this were a scorching Summer day it’d be a different story. Regardless, Team Winter and its chillier days take a loss to Fall Squad’s essentially perfect weather. WINNER: FALL (up 3-2)
Pumpkin Bread vs. Fruitcake
Let’s see, pumpkin bread is amazing, fruitcake is often an unwanted gift, so, you tell me which wins. It’s not even that Pumpkin Bread wins so much as Fruitcake constantly loses.
LOSER: WINTER: (down 2-4)
Tag Team Match: Halloween & Thanksgiving vs. Christmas & New Year’s Eve
Close matchup here considering they both involve one traditionally family oriented day and one rage-fest with friends. The scale could tip either way depending on the person you ask, but because receiving gifts was one of the most enjoyable aspects of childhood, and giving them is rather pleasant as an adult, Christmas helps winter take this one by a hair.
WINNER: WINTER (down 3-4)
Candy Corn vs. Candy Canes
While both forms of these candies are considered seasonal, peppermints are available year-round, whereas candy corn can only be appreciated in about one handful per year. Minty is everywhere, candy corn is only a few levels above the monstrosity that is Peeps. Candy Canes throws Candy Corn through the Spanish announce table for a W.
WINNER: WINTER (tie 4-4)
So nobody officially wins the championship belt here, really. It’s safe to say that both of these seasons have their fans and beloved aspects, but is it fair to declare one of them superior? I’m not comfortable aggravating the Starbuck addicts who think pumpkin spice alone is worthy of winning the debate, but I’d also rather not piss off Santa lovers and residents of the North Pole. The fact that 8 different facets of each season can go head-to-head in this hypothetical battle, and the wins be split down the middle serve as evidence to the theory that there is no clear, BEST season. However, I’ll make a bold statement and say that summer isn’t nearly as good as fall OR winter.
image – Shutterstock