5. Stop making jokes during foreplay.

I’m hot cuz I’m fly, you ain’t cuz you not. This is why, this is why, this is why I’m hot.

As I read these, I relived all of my embarrassing and awful moments in life and I just want to crawl into my bed and play Animal Crossing to forget…

1. Spending on experiences is always better than buying materials.

Here are some newly-minted throwbacks that could catalyze the extraordinary.

Are you an introvert, or have the other less social, apprehensive aspects of your personality led you under a category to which you don’t necessarily belong?

It is my sincerest request that men stop behaving like having to wear a condom during sex is their sole cross to bear.

Girls who won’t hold a grudge if a true, genuine sorry has been given.

Let’s face it: bartenders are HOT.

17. People are forever going to refer to your races not as tones or hues but as flavors: chocolate, caramel, vanilla. “Sometimes I like a little bit of vanilla,” etc,…

College girls get drunk and do dumb things all the time. What is the purpose of aggrandizing this girl’s story to the point of no return? How many sentences do…

Was that you, Sam Goudie, who visited me in my nightmare last night? Cloaked in a black veil, you called yourself death. When I asked to see your face you…

If our mothers don’t approve, you’ve got no chance.

Don’t go to New York and eat Sbarro’s for lunch, you feel me?

Now before you go thinking that I’m some horribly calculating automaton, first stop and think about how beneficial this kind of universal self-centeredness is.

Fact: The Wizard of Oz has some of the wildest behind-the-scenes facts of any movie ever.

Take a personal day from work and actually do as many of these as you can. Instant epic-ness.

There are great yawning ravines of distance between “humoring your overtures” and “seeking you out to talk to you on their own.” And that is a distinction we can always…

You don’t have a job or school or even a hobby that you’re passionate about because 1:00pm has never met ambition.

1. He has lunchbox food tastes.

You have a cup of coffee in one hand, and with the other you browse each stall and shop for the perfect products to make your dinner tonight.

I’m not referring to the guy you are friends with who ACTS nice to get you into bed. He thinks being nice will work. That guy is different.

A sort of 1984 for the Amazon.com generation, DFW’s over-a-thousand-pages opus deals with the state of a world that’s entirely steeped in advertising and consumerism.

You start to feel that this person and their ex shared a bond that you two will never have. And against your will, against your happiness, you start to put…

“I got bitten by a 6-year-old, will I turn into a 6-year-old?”

A great night for me is sitting around watching Family Guy, drinking a beer and masturbating.

What I never expected was that one of these guys would become a constant source of entertainment.

Broad declaration: there is no feeling more fantastic than those first few days at the end of summer when you walk outside in the morning to unexpectedly crisp air and…

As our religions, politicians, and parents tell us, violence is wrong. But as our music, video games, and movies tell us, it also sells. Here are five rappers who crossed…

Is a catcall EVER the least bit flattering? Does the attractiveness of the caller play into how obnoxious or gratifying it is?

2. Unless a short person asks you to, please don’t pick him or her up.

One day, you’ll have your “but I love me more” moment. And then your life will unfold like the finale of Sex & the City and you’ll be walking down…

Who the hell is Dave Coulier? NO ONE KNOWS THESE THINGS.

I remember my first encounter with sperm. There was nothing sexual about that moment.

You’re tired of consuming junk. You want a sex life that’s organic and locally-sourced and grass-fed. You want boring and predictable sex at 9:30pm before bed. A chore that’s like…

Then I thought, A-ha! I can hide behind different “looks” and see what kind of response I get from men.

The woman miscarried. The bride called her with a response along the lines of “good, well now you can be back in the wedding.”

She’s the quintessential hot girl that many Bro-types tend to disparage; partially because the stereotypes are spot on, but partially due to the deep seated frustration/jealously that comes with never…

When we were young, all we could think about was growing up faster. We thought about the career we’d have, the dog, the children, our perfect spouses and have the…

You have to feel bad for this person, as much as their tweet or status update makes you want to thrust a rusty nail into your cornea.

I know my pick.

These courtships tend to flood themselves with awkward pauses, financial bracket litmus tests, and plenty of overzealous drink slam-downs–emphasizing the gravitas that is the collective struggle of dealing with their…

3. Go download a neato font for the GIANT, RED TEXT that’ll constantly appear everywhere in your erratic video.

Ordinary life does not interest me.

Did you know Gandhi never said, “Be the change you want to see in the world?”

Studies have shown that looking at pretty things like rolling hills, supermodels, and shiny cars significantly boosts one’s happiness.

I am not telling you to leave your ever-so-posh Manhattan apartment and move to Missouri, however, if feel spontaneous and feel like a road trip, I encourage you to come…

You’ll love them because you know you’re meant to, and because this knowing comes from a place so deep within you, it’s something that cannot be reckoned with. It simply…

It takes a special person to take the Real True Ultimate ‘90s Retro Nostalgia Challenge.

Love sucks, but it sucks a lot less when you find the right person to be in love with. Actually, you might find that it doesn’t suck, not even a…