I enjoy seeing you insecure, vulnerable. I like to watch red steam light up your cheeks, a spreading mist of shame when you think you’ve done something unacceptable like missing…

People try to cheat the grieving process and press fast forward. They want to show their friends and family that they’re just great, that they’re in a good place and…

I think the “I love you” is wildly important, which is why the idea of it as a pawn in the battle of who holds the cards in the relationship…

Before we delve into your options, I feel like I should at least mention that you could always, you know, just say no to your friend who wants money. Just…

Recently realized certain aspects of what he thought was his identity were actually just uncontrollable delusions lacking any concrete behavior as evidence of their truth and significance.

Stop feeling sad for no reason. Stop placing all of your happiness into whether or not your crush will text you back. Stop feeling a vague sense of melancholy, something…

There are bridges I have burned out of necessity. Yours was simply abandoned, left untended for years until weeds grew through it and the railing fell apart and it became…

You’re not over this person probably because they could never love you back the way you wanted them to, the way you needed them to. They were a defective toy…

It may feel mutual, look mutual, and be hailed as mutual to everyone you tell, but the truth is that someone in the relationship wanted the break up more than…

An overpriced cell for the overachiever, the minimalist apartment gets its name because it’s inhabitant either a. doesn’t have space for frivolities like, say, a bedside table or b. cannot…

We can be whatever constellations you like, at least in the beginning. In the beginning it’ll be all starburst and Andromeda and other striking sights we won’t be able to…

Here, a primer for when your future children want to know what the hell you were doing with your boxy, multicolored electronics.

Bring your favorite toy to school to impress her; watch her hold it in her tiny hands and swell with pride when she’s receptive. She has good taste. Watch her…

Think about all the clothes you lent out to friends and never got back. Think about all the times you put in extra for lunch because everyone knew they could…

You become a morning person, or a night owl, or a combination of the two, if only to extend the time you get to spend with this person.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love a little bite in my make outs. However, my face is NOT a midnight snack. It’s not a plate of mozzarella sticks at…

I’m pretty convinced now that everything in the fashion world has been “done,” and now the designers are just blindfolding themselves and throwing darts at a chart with different clothing…

Perhaps in a childish, roller-coaster-thrill kind of way we like people who don’t treat us very well, but when we think about who is really worth our time and our…

Your body is a hydration machine — even if you cry for an hour straight, you will still have tears left. There is a limit to how many times you…

I like you but under no circumstances will I be known as your girlfriend. I’m just not ready for that type of commitment. I still expect you to hang out…

A twentysomething’s idea of “work attire” can often be anything but. A button down you wore to your graduation matched with dirty black skinny jeans and boat shoes doesn’t exactly…

Every relationship is a unique, special snowflake – until it dissolves. Then its contents are reduced to cliché-riddled proclamations and accusations. Breakups bring the crappy screenwriter out in all of…

If you’re unattractive but singing/strumming/banging on drums to a captivated audience, you immediately become screwable. Why is this? Why were so many women willing to sleep with Rod Stewart and…

Kids ask me all the time what’s wrong with my face. Children lack social awareness, which makes them simultaneously horrible and awesome. Just when I want to turn around in…

Truth be told, the breakup was your fault. You’re the one who impulsively broke it off; you’re the one who had a case of cold feet/commitment issues/other “plans” for your…

Men can be fat. Men can be Seth Rogen while women always have to be Katherine Heigl. Whaaaaat? I don’t get it! It’s not just in the movies either. I…

Especially when we look around us and see the rough, often devastating ends that young love can meet when it commits too quickly, the idea of acknowledging you met your…

The recent recession has done a great job of disguising the deadbeats — making them at first glance indistinguishable from the ambitious, driven young men merely fighting off the symptoms…

Before facing other humans, you need to get your Encyclopedia Brown on. It may be difficult to avoid humans if there’s one in your bed, but look past their naked…

So when do I get health insurance? Is that just a thing no one gets anymore? Is that a ludicrous thing to ask for? WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME?…

Your Spring Boyfriend resembles the season itself: Gorgeous and quick. You’ll fall for them fast but they’ll be gone before you can say “Can you do that again?” You always…

What do you have to lose? The answer is: the cost of 1-3 beers, pride (if you happen to run into an ex), and time if it doesn’t work out.

While pop songs aren’t exactly known for being full of depth, Ke$ha’s little ditties take insipid to a whole new level. With her inane lyrics and slurred delivery, her vocal…

Halloween didn’t stand a chance with twentysomethings. It was made to be perverted and freaky. Today, just going trick-or-treating sounds ridiculously twee. “Oh my god, let’s get candy and stay…

You’ll feel old when you don’t care about staying in on the weekend, when you cancel on your friends and they don’t care, either. You used to need a real…

You know what’s the # 1 thing closeted guys like to say after hooking up with gay dudes? “I’m straight!” That or they cry. I had one straight guy who…

Your Disney film of choice says more than just what VHS was worn to tatters from merciless overuse when you were eight; it says which 1 hour and 30 minutes…

I don’t want to be friends with you because you don’t get it. I don’t know how to make you get it. If I could bottle “GETTING IT” and sell…

What do I need to do tomorrow? I know I have to fill out my W9, and go fax some stuff. I should probably do some laundry too. I don’t…

Dump someone if it feels like a lot of work, if it feels like you should be getting paid for babysitting whenever you’re together or if you feel like your…

The last time I saw it was at a midnight showing at IFC Center. I was going on a date with someone I didn’t really know and we both decided…

Because our reality, right now, it’s just about falling in love. Let’s put the real stuff aside—the past, our insecurities, all the baggage we’ve imported from all our journeys—and let’s…

I have lived in Los Angeles for over 12 years now, and one of the things that has made it a pleasant experience is finding ways to avoid driving, especially…

Sometimes, when it’s raining, I think about you. I think about you all the way over there, with all that ocean and all those years between us. I think about…

I’m in love with you because you’re my best friend. When people hesitate to call their partner their best friend, I’m incredulous as to why. Shouldn’t we all be falling…

Truth be told, I kind of love Avril. She makes unabashed catchy pop and makes no bones about the fact that she’s sort of a joke. But I can’t, won’t,…

When Facebook first became popular it was of social protocol to immediately add someone you had just met, anyone you had met. Saw them across the room at a high…

What separates Kim Kardashian from all the other ladies who came to being known via a sex tape is that she’s managed to parlay it into a career that has…

We’re best friends because I can take you anywhere and you’ll adapt. Whether it’s the chicest party or some insufferable family gathering, you’ll deal with it like a champ. I…

My best friends have always changed over time. There was Madison in second grade. I helped her plaster her bedroom walls in ‘Teen Beat’ Jonathan Taylor Thomas posters. She and…