Tinder is a conglomerate of very normal people, somewhere in between, and straight-out weirdos. I recently got the tinder app while stuck in an hour and a half of rush-hour traffic. Determined to pass the time, I realized that it is semi-addicting and a Russian Roulette game of “Hot or Not.” Overall, I think that it can be a good way to meet people in a larger and more diverse city. Times have changed and there is no reason to feel awkward or leper-like because you’re single and traditional means of meeting people seem outdated.
However, from the variety of matches I have made and minutes passing the time by, I have come up with a variety of no-nos that people on Tinder think are a good idea for some reason.
They are as follows:
1. One picture
Your one picture screams to me a) you must be heinous or sketchy if there was only one picture you found decent. b) you have a social disorder to only have said one picture.
2. Selfies with phone visible
Why? Am I supposed to think it’s sexy that you just spent the last 35 minutes taking a picture of yourself in your bathroom and then uploaded it here? I don’t want to be friends with someone who does that regularly either (we will exclude moments of drunken disorderliness as an exception).
3. Half Naked
This isn’t your amateur modeling portfolio. Why are you showing so much skin? The most abhorring ones are the male body building shots- I never wanted to see a man in a G-string; you just ruined that for me. Also, if you’re not in really good shape why are posting these kinds of pictures, especially as picture one. If you insist upon being naked somewhere in your pictures, put it as picture 3 or 4 and have it not be alone. You alone in a bathing suit makes me think you asked your Mom to take model shots of you on a family vacation.
4. Hats and unique face angles
Are you trying to trick me? I notice that you are presenting a variety of obscure facial angles and shadowing. You should probably just smile straight on and accept yourself.
5. The short man
Some people are short; I know you can’t help it. But, that being said, in your pictures don’t place yourself next to other height extremes. Yeah maybe your best friend is 6″5 but you’re making it look like you’re 5″5 in this picture, so I am going to “X” you in fear of dunking on you if we ever met in person. Also don’t put yourself in a group of shorties so you look like you’re tall. I’m not stupid y’all just look like a pack of oompahloompahs.
6. Cliche song quote as bio
7. Weird Messaging
I once had someone message me, “Can I kidnap you and put you in my basement?” That is not normal, or funny- especially when you don’t convenience me with a “just kidding.” Try to be normal. “Hey, how are you?” should suffice.
8. Know when your time is up
Sometimes things just fizzle out, that’s life. Maybe you’re bummed that some girl you were into isn’t messaging you back. The right way to handle that is a final message saying, “Hey, I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, here’s my number if you ever want to get together.” The end, you put it out there, if she bites awesome, it was meant to be. HOWEVER, you should not continually message her saying, “Please don’t tell me this is over.” “I have to find some way to get you back.” Listen up, you never had me and this is not going to woo me back in, I now just think you’re a pathetic freak.