I have a mate who is horribly useless with women, can’t talk to them, can’t get their hints and most importantly, can’t decipher their hidden messages.
Having had a girlfriend for a few years I was not too bad at figuring out these messages, but I have no idea how my mate missed this particular one.
He had been keen on this one girl who had been flirting with him for weeks, and as we all lived on res at Uni, they were always bumping into one another. Anyway, after a function we all get home very drunk and he receives a text from her complaining that she is incredibly horny and upset because the batteries in her vibrator have run out and wanted to know if he could help her.
So being the genius that he is, he takes two AA batteries out of his XBOX controller, walks to her dorm, slips them under the door and yells out “you’re welcome.”
It was only in the morning when I informed him that she was desperate for some loving that he realised the mistake he had made. Still give him shit for it to this day.
My ex once had a cute bubbly female friend of his come over. She was younger than him and thought he was amazing. When they were hanging out in the bathroom at his place (don’t know why), she decided then and there to take off her clothes and have a shower right in front of him. He just continued playing his guitar and tried not to look at her.
She didn’t visit him any more after that.
We were in high school in computer class. She asked me to come over and help her, so I sat down next to her and started showing her computer stuff, then she grabs me by the wrist, presses my forearm into her boobs and says “mmm biceps” and all I could think was, “that’s my forearm”.