50 People On ‘The Most WTF Thing Someone Did While Hooking Up’

Compiled from AskReddit.
Mislav Marohnić
Mislav Marohnić



Moments after I finished losing my virginity the girl said “Do you have any questions?”



I had a girl put the used condom in her “memory box.”



Had sex, the guy left money. I am not a prostitute.



Had a girl say “I assume everything down there was to your liking?”

I didn’t even know how to respond so I asked for a high-five.



One night I went out to a dance club with my friends and got incredibly drunk. Throughout the night I was putting the change leftover from buying drinks into my bra because I didn’t have a purse. I ended up going to my boyfriends place afterwards (who hadn’t been out with us) and being the terrible drunk I am I conned him into having sex. We were going at it pretty hard, he was laying down and I was on top of him and he finally had the mind to take my bra off. When he did, all the change from the night ($21 in coins..) burst out and rained all over his face. As he was confused and spluttering I just drunkenly continued while yelling, “JACKPOT!!!” and grabbing the cash and throwing in the air. I’m surprised that we’re still together.



right after we finished, she grabbed her clothes and ran, literally ran out of the room. i never saw her again



I was passed out drunk on my buddies couch after a party and i wake up to this female i hardly knew riding my dick and crying at the same time, and all i said was “What the Fuck?” and once she noticed i was awake she got up pulled her pants up and walked out, crying the whole time. My weirdest sex experience i can think of.



I used to go get fast food after sex. I was in my early 20’s and hungry all the time so when I finished having sex, I needed food. My girlfriend at the time was understanding and found it hilarious… so after we finished she would usually say something like “You want fries with that?”



I had a girlfriend who compulsively apologized every time she came. And she came really easily, so it was all the time. Like, I’d go down on her for just a little while before we had sex and “Oh god, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” and then we’d have sex for a few minutes and “Oh god, I’m so sorry,” repeat several more times before we were through.

And no, she wasn’t apologizing to God. She was just really, really, really polite, and she wanted me to come first even though that just doesn’t make any sense. (And it never, ever happened, because she was the female equivalent of a two-pump chump. A two-pump champ, maybe?)



Came, looked me in the eye and just said “…word.”



After I slept with a girl in college, she patted me on the head and said, “Stay golden pony boy.” I just smiled and fell asleep.



Apologize for finishing too quickly, then asking if I thought he had a small penis, because apparently every girl he’s ever been with has told him that he does. THEN showing me every stretch mark and flaw on his body, recounting when they all appeared and commenting on how insecure it made him feel. This was the very first (and last) time we had sex, seeing each other for maybe a week.



I had sex with a friend from college, middle of the day and before I finished she told me I can cum wherever I want so I came on her face. She swallowed all of it then took out her phone and called her friend and just said “Face, I win” and hung up. I’m still puzzled as to what the fuck happened.



I was getting a handy-j from her to finish me off and the girl checked her watch and sighed.



When i lost my v-card. He cried in fetal position then got up and proposed. I nervously smiled and hugged him. We went to sleep. Never spoke of it again.



He asked me for advise on how to ask out another girl. I laughed my ass off, and gave him the best advise I could. They were together for about 2 years afterward, if I recall correctly.



Asked me, “Did you like my milk?” I guess in spanish “la leche” is slang for jizz so he just translated it. I have never been so grossed out in my life.



My wife was riding me. She had already come once. I was in a weird/funny mood. She was in the middle of cumming a second time and I just put two fingers in the air, rising them slowly into her field of view, and I said “twoooo,” in a really stupid voice. She almost tore my dick off laughing.



My friend whispered “That was so raven” into her boyfriends ear after they finished.



Ex gf swallowed a load, walked over to the dresser, takes a swig vodka, then says “ok, I’m good to go”. I miss her…



I had a guy thank me for “sharing my intimacy with him” and he was serious.



Asked me for a credit card to crush oxycontin.



In college I went home after a night of drinking with a random girl from the bar. She told me the next morning that I had passed out on top of her the second after I finished. Apparently she struggled to get out from under the dead weight of my body.



After I lost my virginity, I told her that if she was kidnapped and sold into sex slavery ‘she’d be the pick of the litter.’



I was getting road head one night from a girl I’d just met. I was driving slowly and I guess the guy behind me didn’t like it. I pulled over to the side of the road and the guy pulled up right beside me. He jumped out of the car cursing and screaming at me with a baseball bat in his hand. He got to the driver’s side of the car, saw the girl blowing me and just said, “Oh my God, bro. I’m so sorry.” He jumped back into his car and drove off. The girl was mortified, but she finished.



right after we both finished, she remarked

“that was great. you know what else is great, fried chicken. lets get fried chicken. fried chicken. yeeeeaaaah.”

and then we got glorious fried chicken



While waiting for him to put the condom on I decided to make boat noises to amuse myself. He then proceeded to fuck me. Getting into it he looks me dead in the eye and says “I’m on a boat motherfucker don’t you ever forget”.

We couldn’t stop laughing.



Had sex with girl I met through a friend of a friend after only knowing her a day or two. Immediately after the first time, we are lying there and she picks up her mobile phone and calls her mother. She then begins having a ‘catch-up’ conversation with her mother about day to day things. When her mother (presumably) asks her what she has been doing she answers… and I shit you not… ‘getting back at Aaron for cheating on me with that whore’ she then hands me the phone and says ‘say hi to my mother’ I manage a sheepish hello… confused the the hell out of my mind… I stare at her as she finishes her conversation, as she hangs up the phone she stares directly at me and says ‘ok, now I’m going to call my boyfriend while I suck your ck’. What kind of male is going to say no to that? Sometime later that day some unlucky dude got to listen to a 35min voicemail message that was the sound of her and I having a suck/fkfest.

I saw her ‘casually’ a few more times. Now her and ‘Aaron’ are getting married later this year… I received an invitation.



We both get off, he sits up and puts his hand on the floor, picks something up, sniffs it, then drops it and goes: “oh my god I just picked up shit!” Apparently we had sex in a room where his friend keeps his dog when he’s gone.

THEN he stands up and turns the light on, tucks his dick between his legs then puts a hand on his hip then on the back of his head and says “look I’m just like you” the. Does a little dance.

I dated him for three and a half years. He later told me, after I expressed how odd it was to him that he didn’t want me to see his dick while it was soft. Bhahahaha weirdest shit ever

Read more Thought Catalog After Dark articles here.



I was 17 and the guy I had been “seeing” cuts my neck with a razor blade and tried to suck my blood.

I have a serious scar from this.



My boyfriend shit himself when he came the first time we had sex…all over my sheets



I had a guy tell me he wanted his dick chopped off because its so big and girls only want to sleep with him. Also he pretended to be the Joker (heath ledger) during sex. So awkward.



Girlfriend was terribly constipated, we banged furiously for about 20 min. All of a sudden she jumps off and runs to the bathroom. Her sounds of ecstasy from finally being able to poop were louder than her orgasms.

I was both proud and rather confused.



Me and SO banging in the shower. I pull out, she slips on the spluge and gets knocked out. IN THE UNCONCIOUSNESS, SHE STARTS CALLING OUT THE NAMES OF THE NINJA TURTLES.



Not after, but during. He wanted me to hit him and I wasn’t comfortable with that. He says “Don’t worry! It doesn’t hurt! See!” and hits me in the face. I started crying hysterically and the sex was over. It hurt pretty bad but I wasn’t mad. Misunderstandings of fetishes and whatnot, nothing malicious.



After finishing for the first time with my girlfriend at the time, I said, “I feel as if my performance was lackluster, but an intense sensory overload occurred.”

She doesn’t let me live it down to this day.



Guy I knew in college got super drunk and hooked up with a girl at her sorority house. He wakes up the next morning, still drunk – she’s gone and he can’t find his clothes. He assumes that she is fucking with him and decides that he must escape out the window to prevent the sorority-house humiliation. Before doing so, though, he decides the best course of action is to shit in her bed. After he finishes up and covers the mess with the sheets, she walks in and says, “hey, I cooked some breakfast if you want some. Also, your clothes had vomit on them so I put them in the wash.”



When he was done he said “and that’s all she wrote.”



In a hostel in Australia – “I’m on the rag mate, so go ahead and chuck it in me dumpa!”



“I haven’t been fucked like that since grade school”



Had sex with the principal’s son. He was very religious. When we finished the first time, we were sitting half naked on the floor for whatever reason when he starts telling me that what we had just done was a sin and that my mother (who had been dead two years) had definitely gone to hell. Then we had some more sex!



First time I had sex with my ex-boyfriend we both finished at the same time. He started humming the law and order special victims unit theme song and said the intro verbatim.



He slapped my ass and said “good game”



I hope someone reads this. I was dating a Korean girl and i was her first. I was doing the deed when suddenly out of freakin nowhere she puts both hands on my face and stretches my eyes out to make me look asian. I had to stop because i was laughing too hard…. I don’t know why.



This guy put hand sanitizer on his dick when we finished. (We used a condom.)

Have yet to let him live it down. Everyone knows.



I don’t know if this counts but one time I started to make gorilla sounds during sex to see if he’d notice. He did, and he joined in. That relationship is gonna be a hard one to beat.



While she was on top grinding trying to make herself climax, I yawned.

Oh, man, that was a huge no no.



Me (F) to him: mmmm I love it, you have such a nice dick. Him to me: You too.



A friend of mine as he was losing his virginity gazed into his girlfriend’s eyes and whispered “We are one.” They’re not together anymore.



I was in highschool and was fucking a girl doggy style. Decided to say whose your daddy and smacked her ass. She immediatly pulled off me and screamed. “You have the same name as my dad.”

Read more hilarious stories of hooking up–or at least trying to–in our bestselling book Not a Match.

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