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A Love Letter To My Balls

I would take a picture of you and send it back to you, because even though I know everyone would like to see you, you alone deserve to gaze upon your dumplings.

One Long Sad Sentence

I could submit to this place or write for that place, or go on a run, or look at someone’s Twitter and dream I have their life of writing lists for Buzzfeed by day and selling adorable but profane embroidery by night

Jesus At The Beer Festival

And though Jesus had made the two women, composed their breasts from nothing, even caused the sun to rise and give them that slightest twinge of brown, he couldn’t help but regret making their forms so healthy.