i judst looive yyou n muiss u soo mucjh. Pls txct bacck PLEEASE!!1, is not the type of thing we want waking us in the middle of the night, or…

Is that weird? I feel like your ex has all the information I need, all the spoilers, everything that would save me grief and time and pain.

Never touch her. Even when meetings end and she hugs everyone, pretend to have difficulty tying your shoes or looking for your lighter. Notice the way everything you do to…

Of course, there are multiple covers of the same song. There’s like six “Hallelujahs” up in there (okay — there are three, and the one by Brandi Carlisle is really…

“Who’s Martin Scorsese?”

Sometimes, when people say “I’m here for you,” they mean “I’m here for a while, for an hour or an evening. You’re a generally good person and I enjoy your…

Be certain that you’re not rushing into things. It’s not as simple as sharing a shower, owning his and hers robes, and having sex frequently.

Take extra time in hot showers, try on lots of great new clothes, discover your body again, watch whatever cheesy movie your heart desires. And don’t apologize. Loving yourself, making…

Wear clothes that actually fit your body and make you feel good. Don’t buy the t-shirt you feel sort of fat in because guess what? You will always feel sort…

“Lisa, if I’ve learned anything, it’s that life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.”

Have you ever just had a “single” night where you get drunk by yourself and watch movies, play around online, eat junk food, and remain entirely unconcerned with what you…

You see a therapist? You must be Woody Allen. You must be a navel-gazing lunatic. You must be an unbearable human being.

The only good reason to go into debt is for traveling. Not Isabel Marant boots or expensive groceries.

The aloof noble guy you always lust after from a distance. Like Prince Harry — only animated.

“Hey Mom, I freaking love you, Mom. Mom, mom, mom, I wish you were here right now so you could rub my back and massage my scalp. No, I’m not…

Look at all these names in your phone. You are so popular. You know people. Why are you coming up short? Why is there such a gap between the people…

What the hell am I supposed to say to a story about someone I don’t know? “Ooh, Karen is moving to Chicago? That’s so… Karen of her!”

I’ve talked to friends who have confessed to similar stories. So what happens? Why do the perverted games stop as girls get older?

Say goodbye by turning your cheek in bed. Say goodbye when you accidentally tell someone you’re single. Say goodbye when you start to think of your grocery list during sex.

When we’re in public and we spot a fit dude with chiseled abs, a pec-tacular chest and no shirt, it’s easy to say, “What a tool/douche/showoff/shmuck, etc.” But what if…

One of you may have been the turtle — adding two or three to the bed post every year for the past 10 and the other the hare — wilding…

So inaccessible. So dark. So…guitar-playing. Break my heart, Trent Lane. Break all our hearts.

If I had the answers I’d be writing self help books and giving motivational speeches across the world. I wouldn’t be an utterly clueless 20-something. I would be someone else,…

At some point, best friendships just become a giant amalgam of inside jokes, moments that have passed between the two of you and have flowered into their own language, a…

A pretty song is one that you play in your kitchen, stirring onions that are just starting to crack in the heat of bubbling oil, the sun setting through the…

Why this person, why right now? Don’t get married because there’s a child on the way or because it makes sense financially or because all of your friends are wifed…

Getting burned by the person you’re dating sucks, but your consolation prize is free license to OD on angry chick music for the next 6-8… years.

I’ve learned that the reason why going out to eat tastes so much more delicious than anything I’ve ever made in a kitchen is because they cover everything in butter.…

Last night a DJ saved my life.

Throughout my life, I’ve been friends with straight dudes who have treated me like a novelty. It’s clear that I’m there to be the gay friend who makes them feel…

Calling spaghetti “pasquetti” isn’t cute anymore. Say “spa.” Now say “ghetti.” Spaghetti.

When dining at a fast food joint, ask for a water cup, and then fill it with Sprite. You may be obeying your thirst, but you damn sure ain’t abiding…

Only surround yourself with people who bring out the best qualities in you. It sounds corny but it’s true. If you don’t like the way you act when you’re around…

I can’t mention sexual experiences in your twenties without including alcohol and memory loss. 60% of our sexual experiences are forgettable quite literally because we can’t remember them!

After getting all cotton candy on y’all last week with the boy band business, I figured this week’s playlist should go a bit harder.

This week, I’ll cover smoking weed, an activity that can shift overthinkers into psychological overdrive, taking them down the highway of excessive self-shaming, self-loathing, and mental breakdown.

Body fat. Stop being afraid of getting fat so I can just get fat already. Please. Your vanity is holding me back from being the person I want to be.

When you were young, people would gather at parties to watch you imbibe and exclaim, How does he keep on drinking without getting drunk or sick? This was your training…

Because there’s something considered a little off about a guy and his kitty. In fact, typing the word “kitty” just now gave me a little bit of seizure. But I…

Now, Sketchers as we knew them are a thing of the past. Instead, toddlers can get their Diane Von Furstenberg fix at Gap, and grow out of it two weeks…

Manson took Scientology classes and then murdered a bunch of people, after deciding that Scienology was “too crazy” for him. Process that.

Getting out of credit card debt and paying off your student loans. (HAS ANYONE DONE THIS YET? YOU LET ME KNOW, OKAY?)

Why not begin running, learn to get away, and fast. Or you could read a few novels, is there a more efficient way to stack your life with characters who…

“Now that I’m with you again, I’m in agony.”

The good news is you can do this naked. In fact, you can do everything naked. Nothing beats cooking naked, getting into bed naked, eating that meal naked, getting up…

Despite all of the glaring similarities, a hair salon is not a used car lot.

Do I text you? Do I DM you? Do I tweet @ you? Do I DARE call you? You’ve called me a few times in the past and I remember…

It’s funny, because I used to be one of you; all sweaty-palmed and dinner-dated and loved. I was there, where you are, passing holidays at my parents’ house in the…

Many of them will take this opportunity to turn on you and hiss about how they’re doing JUST FINE THANK YOU as they shuffle away from you like you were…

If the members play their own instruments, are they exempt from boy band status? What about R&B groups? Is perfectly coiffed hair a requisite? It’s confusing.