It’s taboo to be lonely. It’s taboo to find yourself all alone in a generation that prides itself on being busy all the time. But guess what? It’s happening. You’re lonely, you’re alone, and it feels like it always does. All the Netflix queues and tweets can’t save you from this familiar feeling of alienation.
It’s comforting in a way, it’s comforting to know that no matter how much things change, you can always go back to this place of feeling restless and disconnected. You’re working 60 hours a week, you’re getting drinks with the people you adore, and you’re still finding yourself isolated between the hours of 10 p.m. and 1 a.m. It doesn’t happen as much as it used to, you’re certainly happier now than you were last summer, but occasionally you find yourself exactly where you started: Looking for human connection and coming up short.
Twitter’s nice, I guess. You write down your thoughts and a stranger in the UK responds to them. Gosh, maybe that person in the UK seems cool. Maybe that person in the UK could be my new best friend.
I never want to talk to that person in the UK.
Look through your contacts lists. This is concrete proof that you’ve lived. There’s a boy in there that you named “Josh Hot Dog” because you made out with him in front of a hot dog stand.
It didn’t work out between you two. It was a missed connection, even when you were supposed to be connecting. Lips smacked but nothing stuck.
Look at all these names in your phone. You are so popular. You know people. Why can you not find anyone to hang out with? Why is there such a gap between the people you know and the people you can rely on?
Who else do we have in here? Ex-boyfriend, best friend in California, drug dealer who used to recite his poetry to you whenever you bought something (it took all of your strength not to laugh in his face), someone you used to be friends with but aren’t anymore because THAT’S THE WAY LIFE IS YA KNOW, your friend who lives five blocks away from you but is probably busy and calling to hang out on such notice will make you look uncool. Everyone is supposed to be busy, don’t you get it? If you call someone and ask them to come over, they’re going to know the truth about you! They’re going to know that you didn’t have any plans tonight and you will look soooooooo lame. Honestly, I’m already feeling second-hand embarrassment.
Sometimes being busy only magnifies the loneliness. Sometimes you’re better off just being honest with yourself and lying in bed. Be bored. Enjoy the boredom. It’s so rare these days. Stop trying to fill every second of everyday.
Your phone vibrates with a text. It’s a friend asking to hang out but the thought of responding fills you with immense fatigue so you put the phone down. It doesn’t make any sense. Here you were feeling all lonely and then someone reaches out to you but you don’t want to do it.
You’re crazy. You’re lonely. You’re non-commital.
Just like everyone else your age.