People in Relationships,
It’s funny, because I used to be one of you; all sweaty-palmed and dinner-dated and loved. I was there, where you are, passing holidays at my parents’ house in the bathroom, tapping out Morse code I wishes and I misses to whomever I was sharing a bed and a heart with that year. You can’t type those things to just anyone, did you know that? That’s my first question, by the way. You’re lucky that “I miss you” is part of your vocabulary — the rest of us have to get creative, find alternatives like happy thanksgiving or what was that book you recommended again or even silence, on occasion.
What is it that you miss, exactly, when you miss someone? Is it recounting the dullest moment of your day to a hungry audience or is it your scalp memorizing the fingerprints of digits that are at home floating through your hair or maybe you just miss that smell someone has at dawn when they haven’t had the chance to cover themselves up yet? These are my best guesses, the things I sometimes miss, too. Sometimes I miss just knowing the answers to my questions without having to search for them, ask for them, elucidate what I want to hear and why I want to hear it and what what why. To me, that’s a quiet worth missing.
Are there any silences you dislike? Maybe the one where you know some sort of secret you can’t tell your partner, like if you’d just go home right now I’d love you more or I’m not sure if I still want you or I think your mother is right. What do you think of their mother, father? Is the person you love sexier, smarter, better because of the people who created them, or does the wrinkled skin, the angry mouths, the rings of discontent around their tired eyes frighten you, keep you up at night, stop you from wanting more? What do your nightmares look like and why do you think that is?
And what about your dreams? Do you dream about the future, or about the past, like what is your mind thinking when you give up the reins? Do you dream about a wedding or about equal rights or about cohabitation or about your ex or about your career and how the person you maybe-love is maybe-in-the-way? Do you dream about places you’ve never seen and people you’ve never kissed or does your subconscious look the same as waking life, the same people, the same goals, the same lips? Can you even tell the difference anymore? When you awaken from dreaming, are you alone physically or mentally or both; or do you turn to your side and smell your partner’s dawn-time smell and think this is what it means to be happy?
What does it mean to be happy and can you do it on your own? Are you sure? Have you tried all of the other options or are you afraid to be proven wrong? Are you afraid that someday, you’ll forget the answers to these questions the way that I have? Or is it something you look forward to, an hourglass that’s full until it’s empty and announcing that your time is up and now it’s someone else’s turn? Inquiring minds want to know.