Thought Catalog

What You Can Do Instead Of Loving Someone You Can’t Be With

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Instead of loving someone you can’t be with, fictionalize them. Reimagine your encounters as dreams: the kind you wake up from, shake off, disregard; not the kind you journal, analyze, relay relentlessly to bored friends. Treat them like the subject of a poem that tickles you in the chest cavity but only very slightly, a poem you copy paste publish on the internet and forget about soon as you read something else worthwhile, something that moves you to repeat the process like you’ve never read poetry before. Think of them the way you remember characters from books you haven’t read in a while; fondly but vaguely and all smudged ’round the edges.

You can fill your days with hobbies, god knows unrequited love swallows free time like it’s air. Why not begin running, learn to get away, and fast. Or you could read a few novels, is there a more efficient way to stack your life with characters who will eventually leave? Because that seems to be the type that attracts you, the ones you know will end before they begin. You can knit, keep your fingers busy and away from the phone and away from that soft patch of skin you like to hold when you’re alone, to remember. You can finally learn to swim, because it’s summertime and there’s nothing else to do and you’re so good at holding your breath, anyway.

Remind yourself that you are other things besides in love and hopeless and sort of sad in the saddest way possible like, you are also a friend or a son daughter or an employee student and also a thinker, a doer, a person who lives and has lived before this sad, sad mess came to pass. Think about when you were a five-year-old on a beach somewhere collecting shells and digging moats and chasing strangers through the sand because you were about the same height and had the same castle-building interests and wore almost-matching swimsuits. Remember when you were a 10-year-old who wore smiling faces on t-shirts and backpacks and scrunchies and when you were a 13-year-old who was ashamed for having done so. Remember when you were 17 and began to form a soft casing around your stomach that spoke to your affinity for beer, remember when you turned 21 and spent the night spinning and drinking and kissing the best friends you’ll ever have. Remember whatever age you were the first time you had your heart broken and how the pain felt endless until it ended and then it was like you’d imagined it all, a fever dream of a romance. Uncountable things to define who you are, and the only one you toil over is the one you’re not permitted to have you silly, silly…

Go be silly with someone else and maybe you won’t love them, but maybe you will. Maybe you’ll see-saw between having everything and nothing to say to one another until you’re wearing each other’s weight and finding yourselves somewhere in the middle. Maybe in a rush of words they’ll say something arbitrary that for some reason makes your stomach smile, you know, tickles you in ways that a copy paste publish poem can’t. Maybe you’re unsure because you’ve already invested your thoughts and feelings elsewhere without yielding any profit or interest; maybe you feel safer holding on to what’s already failed because that failure is familiar and comfortable and you wear it so well. But maybe — and this is just another suggestion — maybe you can try again, instead of loving someone you can’t be with. TC mark

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Poetry Lovers! 💖

Love a soft person. The ones who are positive, even in the worst of circumstances. Someone whose strength is not in bravado, but in their quiet. Someone who is strong for others because that is what is needed in that moment. Someone who is the moon that soothes instead of the sun that burns. Someone who sees the very best in people even when you think they aren’t worth it. The kind of person who always wants to do the best for those they love.

“I bought this on a whim to read as I was resting for the night, and I do not regret it one bit! Everything about the poetry in this book is amazing, heart breaking, and soul searching. It will lift your spirits on your darkest days. I want to thank the author so much for writing this, as it’s something I will be rereading a lot! Always remember, everything about you is important. You matter.” —McKayla

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  • http://thksforthmmrs.wordpress.com thksforthmmrs

    One word to describe this article: Wow.

  • BL

    This was 100% perfect and needed at this very moment. Well written, it even brought a smile to my face as I nodded in agreement through-out reading it.

  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/07/what-you-can-do-instead-of-loving-someone-you-can%e2%80%99t-be-with-2/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    […] Thought Catalog » Love & Sex Add a comment […]

  • anonymous

    This is so relevant right now. It’s beautifully written, and I very much need this. Thank you.

  • http://groundlessmusings.wordpress.com timo

    Reblogged this on Mine and commented:
    Cool blog to check out, if you’re free.

  • http://postcardsandpaperplanes.blogspot.com/ KSB

    This is exactly what I needed at exactly the right time. Thank you for another extraordinary piece of work.

  • http://silenth0pez.wordpress.com Silentz

    Reblogged this on Music is my LIFE! (:.

  • Obakay

    All in one. Tanx a lot

  • Obakay

    Silentz hy

  • Maya

    I really really needed this today. Thought Catalog has a way of doing that, great article <3

  • http://jesuismervilleux.wordpress.com jesuismervilleux

    Reblogged this on Repeat after me: I AM FREE.

  • http://hannahjyx.wordpress.com Hannah J
  • http://redlipsandcitylights.wordpress.com nnekaayana

    Too bad it’s never this simple and not ever half as poetic.

    • Saikia

      It is that simple. If I could go back to when I first left my husband, I felt the same way, but it really just took realizing that I don’t have time for people in my life that will hurt me. All you need is yourself. Find your strength and everything else will fall into place.

  • joe

    i’ve tried writing a comment to truly explain how i feel about how amazing this piece is, as is every stephanie georgopulos piece, but i simply can’t. i’m always left speechless and silent after reading.

  • Ree

    Love! Just what I needed! I think I might go read a book! And it’s nice to see there are people out there with this particular thing going on with them.

  • loulou

    I needed this today more than ever

  • susie

    this is my fracking life

  • Psychedilio

    Thanks for this. I’m in that situation now and this has given me hope for the future.

  • blackbird

    Well said. But take note:

    1. New Hobbies are fun. But they cost a lot.
    2. It’s all easier said than done. But chilling the fuck out and not being a slave to anyone or to the idea of being with that someone is totally worth it.

    • tiff

      easier said than done for sure. easier said than done.

  • KT McVeigh

    Thank you. I needed this right now, and I like your writing voice. I loved, “You can finally learn to swim, because it’s summertime and there’s nothing else to do and you’re so good at holding your breath, anyway.”

  • JL

    You have an incredible way of citing exactly the way I have felt for so long. “Maybe you’re unsure because you’ve already invested your thoughts and feelings elsewhere without yielding any profit or interest,” describes the futile way we love without any real consideration of what exactly we are loving. This just made my day.

  • charmedbylove

    this is extremely refreshing for someone going through a period like this, really needed to read something like this. great post!

  • Lisa

    I loved this, and maybe I’m just stubborn, but I don’t like the fact that such a beautiful piece ended by suggesting another lover. (Goes to show I am not ready.) But I wish it didn’t always have to end with “you will fall in love again.” Maybe we can just do this on our own, for longer than is expected?

    • Jk

      I agree 100%

  • http://mangopeels.wordpress.com quantumtheory

    if I love someone, I’ll go after them no matter what..
    till I get her…
    and it’s kind of a challenge you know..

  • Saikia

    I cannot write enough to express how much it means to me, and how beautifully this is written. Please continue to write more encouraging words. This world really needs it. <3

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