There are few things more American than chowing down at a chain restaurant–serving up life as it truly is, with a side of affordable prices to boot.

Exercise restraint

More makeup does not mean more beautiful. More makeup means you look like you put more makeup on.

“You don’t need no gun control. We need some bullet control. I think all bullets should cost $5000. ‘Cause if a bullet costs $5000, there’d be no more innocent bystanders.”

But, when it comes to the Internet, you’re barely passing. D minus maybe.

I knew I was in love when I pulled his body from a car wreck.

This country has a fundamental misunderstanding of what the first amendment actually says.

“Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories.”

Make plans with a friend or for yourself, look up a new recipe for dinner or plan to make an old favorite, or even just promise yourself a big glass…

“Running is my private time, my therapy, my religion.”

Nothing keeps you as anxious as feeling like you need to constantly spend money.

The better-looking the female is, the greater your unfounded hatred should be.

Ohio might be like a drunk uncle, but it’s your drunk uncle.

7. Befriend the kid in the slayer shirt who sits at the back of your english class.

6. “It’s fine.”

30. Snoop Dogg went to school with Cameron Diaz and sold her marijuana at the time.

Just use the number they assigned you and fill this out – be truthful, it won’t hurt, I promise.

“Clear Eyes, Full Hearts…ehh we’ll deal with that later.”

An ex-lover is like a comfortable pair of jeans: soft and familiar, a reliable standby when you want to feel like your old self again.

I’ve got drinks piling up on my desk and a stack of pills I have even opened yet!

It’s just Liam Hemsworth, Taylor Swift, Amanda Bynes, Lindsay Lohan, The Mannings, Macklemore, Justin Bieber and all their childhood “friends.”

No one is turned on by your Craigslist Casual Encounters-style glamour shots. Just be yourself.

I’m a road trip fiend and I think I finally cracked the code.

Because there’s a difference between somebody eating an untoasted Pop-Tart and someone else eating a eggs, bacon, toast and such.

Not being able to walk in a pair of heels immediately takes away any element of sexiness they once possessed.

I traded a shoe for a bowling pin and the secret knowledge of how to get into the goblin kingdom.

I don’t know why the idea came to me, but it hit me as soon as she left the room and I knew I had to act immediately and that…

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’ll have a fourth and fifth because I’m an emotional masochist.

Discouraging messages from people we can only hope aren’t real, living, non-troll human beings.

This is not Your Life. It’s just life. Not really yours. Stop thinking you can control things and make everything just so and accept that this will end, the leaves…

“It’s freeing to be able to experiment with sex without having to be single.”

You’ll say to yourself, “We just fight a lot, we’re both hard-headed, we both want our way a little too much.”

6. Telling Other People About Your Hangover.

The 2–Minute Rule isn’t about the results you achieve, but rather about the process of actually doing the work. The focus is on taking action and letting things flow from…

If I’m in a bad mood, I would just be passive aggressive and give him the silent treatment by going into a corner and ignoring him.

Hate on lists that generalize/stereotype having one’s period.

In this day and age where everyone’s scrambling to compare girls in their twenties to Lena Dunham and writing insipid essays about “millennials,” you might need a little foundation to…

When it comes to smoking, I believe that some people can simply accept the fact that they smoke.

7. Don’t Immediately Look For A Rebound.

“I was never a feminist because I was never ugly enough for that.”

If the internet is to be believed, Pitch Perfect is the new Mean Girls.

Sometimes, us men go great lengths to deny that we’re able to feel feelings. The pent up repression varies by man, but those of us unable to fully express our…

When they play with kids or animals, hold babies, talk about their future kids or admit that they sometimes think of potential names for their spawn– these men exist I…

3. You’ve descended into depths that in the not so distant past, you swore you’d never go to. I am of course talking about endorsing people on LinkedIn.

Thirty minutes of Mendelssohn or one dose of Valium? It’s your pick because, according to a study at the University of Baltimore, both the music and the drug have the…

27. “I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin.”

Assuming that they are the source (and solution) for our body issues.

As we’ve grown into the sometimes functional human beings that we currently are, we’ve come across certain films that have truly “spoken to us”–that focus on the sorts of issues…

15. Pushing your stomach out to get an idea of what pregnant-you will look like.

I’ve spent so much of my twenties testing myself, seeing how far I could go before I retreated to what felt safe. That’s why I met the man off Grindr.…