21 Types Of Female Underwear And What They Really Mean

1. Cotton panties that came in a pack of three: I am just trying to live my life right now, I cannot be held to your patriarchal panty standards.

2. Extreme, heavily-padded pushup bra: No one is going to be taking this off tonight, so I can live the lie for some excellent cleave pics.

3. Neon: The POINT is to make it show through, this is called FaShIoN K

4. Bathing suit bottom: Laundry day.

5. Black cotton panties: I think we all know that there might be some stains in the future of these underwear, and I think we all know what kind of stains they are. These are the Sacrificial Panties.

6. Flesh-colored and seamless: This dress is somewhat sheer, and I am the kind of woman who pays her bills, organizes her closet, and prevents visible panties.

7. Spanx: I had a job interview today, don’t fucking touch me until I get these off, or I will pop out of them like Pillsbury croissants.

8. Black lacy panties: Bout 2 get myself some D

9. Leopard “sexy” underwear with matching bra: I say the words “meow,” “rawr,” or “daddy” in bed.

10. Victoria’s secret PINK boy shorts: Reliving my 19-year-old lifestyle by wearing these adorable pink-and-green panties around the house to feel sexy whilst watching Netflix.

11. Men’s boxer shorts: Stole these from an ex probably and I don’t care about feeling sexy whilst watching Netflix, I’m just trying to be comfortable.

12. Bike shorts: I will never have a thigh gap, and I am okay with that.

13. Really really frilly shit that will never ever lay flat under clothes: I bought these with the intention of wearing them for some ~*~steamy sexual caucus~*~ and they have been crumpled in the back of my underwear drawer for two years because who has time for costume changes.


15. Sports bra while not working out: Take away my thrice-weekly spin class, and I have no reason to live. (Alternatively, there are at least a dozen pictures of me doing yoga on Instagram.)

16. Matching Set: The world is not gonna fuck with me today, I can do anything, I believe in me. This is my moment, my matching-bra-and-panty moment.

17. Thong in a short, flowy skirt or dress: I don’t play by your rules, and mild breezes don’t scare me.

18. That one pair of boyshorts with buttons on them: I bought these thinking “Oh, how cuuuute” but then never wear them because who the fuck wants buttons on their underwear.

19. Bandaids on the nips: I’m a ~*~free spirit~*~ who is probably going to, or coming from, an outdoor music festival.

20. That one random pair of basic blue panties you got at like H&M or something that have somehow held up for several years and are still in perfect shape: I don’t give up on those who don’t give up on me.

21. Commando while wearing jeans: I have a death wish, see you all in the afterlife. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Chelsea Fagan

Chelsea Fagan founded the blog The Financial Diet. She is on Twitter.

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