1. Vaginas are shallow.
That vaginas have a finish line.
2. Vaginas are deep.
The vagina is deeper than i expected. I’m asian by the way.
3. Vaginas are lower than I expected.
The opening of the vagina is lower than expected. I must of smooshed my dick head into her clit about 20 times before figuring it out.
4. It’s a man’s job to find “it.”
I always assumed it was the woman’s job to “guide” my penis in her vagina. I hovered over her and waited, and she just looked at me like, “what?”, and I asked if she could put it in, and she was all, “you’re a big boy, you can do this.”
5. Doing it doggy-style makes me self-conscious.
That when doing doggy, the guy is looking at my butthole as well. Knowing that now, I am conscious of poo and hair.
6. Penis skin moves.
Penis skin MOVES!! I thought a hand job involved rubbing the penis like you would to your finger. But the skin moves too!
7. It’s messy.
how messy it is and how awesome baby wipes are
8. Semen doesn’t evaporate.
Having to clean semen out, I thought it just stayed there and eventually disappeared.
9. Sometimes there are “weird-ass noises.”
Weird noises. Movies make sex seem so sensual, and it really is, but man, there are some weird-ass noises during sex.
10. Large penises don’t feel good.
That a huge dick does not equal better feeling. If anything the total opposite
11. Once you make her cum, she’s putty in your hands.
Once you make a woman orgasm really well, a surprising amount of them will let you do some pretty nasty shit to them, and they’ll enjoy it thoroughly.
12. Dried menstrual blood can be frightening in the morning.
Having drunken sex with a girl while she’s on her period, forgetting to clean up in the post coital bliss and falling asleep leads to terrifying thoughts upon waking up.
The first time it happened, it looked like I was turning into a zombie and the infection starting down there. Delightful.
13. ”It” doesn’t always work.
You cannot order a boner like a pizza.
14. You don’t always get an STD.
Unprotected sex doesn’t mean an STD every time. If that was true, I’d have dozens of AIDS.
15. Sometimes it’s better to be subtle.
That saying “You like that don’t you, you fucking retard” isn’t dirty talk…
16. It’s difficult to do “it” in the shower.
Shower sex… is really hard. Holding her up against the wall was one the riskiest things I’ve ever done
17. Your stomachs make suction sounds.
The farting noise that happens when your stomachs suction together after you get all sweaty.
18. I have tremendous endurance.
That I could last a whole 42 seconds.
19. It’s hard to maintain control when I have to pee.
Holding off from finishing during sex is a lot harder than holding it when you have to pee.
20. You get leg cramps.
Sex spawned leg cramps.
21. Her pleasure was more pleasurable to me than mine.
That I’d enjoy getting her off more than getting myself off.
22. It’s hard to synchronize orgasms.
You don’t cum at the same time, usually.
23. It’s about the same as masturbation.
That the quality of an orgasm from intercourse was pretty much the same as an orgasm that I’d given myself from masturbation. In other words, meh.
24. It’s not nearly as good as masturbation.
That I was an incredible masturbater and that sex was going to have some awesome build up but the actual sex wouldn’t feel as good as fapping. No one will ever know how to work your junk like you do. It the shared experience that makes it is awesome not the magical vaginal feelings.
25. Sometimes it’s better than masturbation, sometimes it’s not.
I thought it would be 100x better than masturbation. It’s not.
Really, really good sex is probably 1.5x better than a good fap. Bad sex is probably 1/2 as good as a fap.
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