Just wanted to let you know I’m wicked gay now and that’s why we didn’t work out. Nothing to do with you! Sorry! SUPER GAY. – Person who rejected you…

Perhaps it would be best to make an actual list of information you acquired legitimately vs. information that you harvested from Facebook/Google/old blogs/other unfortunate sources

Tell real-life scary stories, like the one time you didn’t have health insurance or the pregnancy test you took in college.

Starting a blog and, despite having an average daily readership of three people including your mother, maintaining and growing it with love.

Because you’re single and need to pay for a gym membership and buy the right pair of jeans that makes your ass look good so you can increase your chances…

You’re smoking. You don’t ever smoke.

Living in doubt can be addictive, it can give a sense of burning hopefulness that, as long as it is not extinguished completely, can sustain someone for years on end.

You wanted things from me and you knew how I felt about you and you used those feelings and you used me. So I want you to know how I…

The moment you step foot into an Apple store, you are bombarded with a bunch nerdy dudes named like “Steve” or “Dan” dressed in blue tee shirts and beyond eager…

You can’t guarantee that you will always be in a certain weight range. You can’t ensure perfect skin, or find a diet and exercise regime that works without fail.

Words are thoughts, and thoughts shape emotions. If you tell yourself you’re a bald ugly loser with a speckled egglike head, you’ll be right. If you tell yourself you’re a…

Remember when Taylor bought the house across the street from the Kennedy’s just so she could be closer to Conor? This was, like after a MONTH of dating him. She…

Get some of Rachel Zoe’s horse tranquilizer pills that she used to feed Nicole Richie and Mischa Barton back in the day. It’s not FDA-approved but it has been approved…

You make some headway on a project you’re working on but beat yourself up that you didn’t finish it or do as much as you’d have liked to. Some people…

You often find yourself saying “but we’ve known each other forever…” to justify keeping the relationship alive.

You learn of monumental, noteworthy personal facts that would’ve remained secrets had you not stumbled upon them coincidentally.

I want you because you and I, the thought of you and I. Those letters forming those words, those words sticking together, the jellyfish swell and shrink in my chest…

Theon is a man who has something to prove. Everyone from his father to the hooker he secretly pretends is his girlfriend is someone he wants to put on a…

This music is so good and is cutting through your heart like an infomercial knife through a series of vegetables — time to weep silently as you rock back and…

Undergrad is really just one big weekend stretched out over 4 to 6 years, depending on how many tests you make it to between the tequila shots.

Of all of her films, Bette Midler claims that Hocus Pocus is still her favorite.

Keep an extra bill that the cashier mistakenly included in their change.

One of my favorite things to do back in the day was burn a ton of incense, blast annoying riot grrrl music and run around in an XL shirt/nightgown. I…

First of all, though the Friedmans are seemingly just a mild-mannered Long Island family, they’re actually really freaking strange (potential pedophilia aside).

Human beings have a habit of compulsive thinking that is so pervasive that we lose sight of the fact that we are nearly always thinking.

It can actually be really nice when you’re friends with someone who is completely removed from your social circle. That means they’re unbiased and not involved in any of your…

Let’s be honest, Ursula’s brief stint as a molten-hot human chick was clearly one of the high points of this movie.

Agreeing to do a favor for someone that ends up being such an incredible hassle that you briefly consider ending the friendship just to be like, “Nope, sorry, this is…

Look, I get it. The stars of a bantery WB show made primarily by, for, and about women is not the typical object of heterosexual male desire. It’s kinda like…

That you wore the same dress twice around the same people, and they might think you never change clothes

Milk products that come from basically anyplace but cows. That’s pretty bougie. I’m talking rice milk, soy milk, almond milk, sheep’s milk, goat’s milk. Why isn’t regular milk good enough…

“He HAS to know how I feel! And he has to know RIGHT NOW!”

You’re single because you’re single. It’s not because you texted too much or too little or waited 33 minutes to respond because he took 23.

For those of us with a filter and some insecure tendencies, liking and being liked is hard labor. We carry around a lumpy sack full of giant turnoffs, like a…

I dated sporadically and unsuccessfully in college, fluctuating between a lot of tears and frustration and not being able to understand why I was so unlovable and gleefully listening to…

You can always live with yourself. That’s basic. That’s how you came into this world. What you can’t do is make love spring from thin air.

It’s a very hard thing to hear, but someone who isn’t like you may be exactly what your recent ex needs, and they may be better than you — not…

It’s Friday night and you’re eating tofu in the Whole Foods parking lot. Standing up. Over the hood of your car. Nothing about this feels strange or pathetic to you.

Everywhere you go, you’d have to worry about getting recognized. Today it took me like an hour to get dressed and I still somehow managed to walk out the door…

I suspect it’s difficult for men to imagine a world in which their bodies have long been inextricably linked to their value as an individual.

Women are generally smaller than men, requiring less food and smaller clothes, and therefore using up fewer of the world’s natural resources.

Why are you going to subject yourself to scrolling through Perez Hilton while muttering about what a misogynistic pile of soggy hairballs that man is — what is that bringing…

Ladies! The boy is no one’s property. Also, you should be blaming the dude for the confusion, not each other. Wasn’t this song released in 1998, the Year of Girl…

As much as I love being out and wearing ridiculous things, I don’t go out of my way to approach new people or to try to make new friends, and…

I noticed that your hair looked hot, like it took you two hours to do, and that outfit you wore made you look ten pounds skinnier. Honestly, I wasn’t sure…

So what is your aim? I really want to know. Is this a game to you? Is it like, “Hey, let’s see if this chick is still willing to respond…

It’s OK to stay in touch with your ex’s friends, but don’t be a freaking menace about it.

In 2011, it seemed directors, studio heads and audiences finally realized what we’ve known for years: that people love Ryan Gosling.

Take brunch on 15th, and after you’re sufficiently buzzed, walk to 16th, take a left, and enjoy the mansions. It’s like Kevin Mcallister land over there, so it’s just nice…

Not getting enough exercise/fresh air during the day, as you are making steady progress on transforming into a barnacle attached somewhere between your bed and your laptop.