If our mothers don’t approve, you’ve got no chance.

Don’t go to New York and eat Sbarro’s for lunch, you feel me?

Now before you go thinking that I’m some horribly calculating automaton, first stop and think about how beneficial this kind of universal self-centeredness is.

Take a personal day from work and actually do as many of these as you can. Instant epic-ness.

There are great yawning ravines of distance between “humoring your overtures” and “seeking you out to talk to you on their own.” And that is a distinction we can always…

You don’t have a job or school or even a hobby that you’re passionate about because 1:00pm has never met ambition.

You have a cup of coffee in one hand, and with the other you browse each stall and shop for the perfect products to make your dinner tonight.

A sort of 1984 for the Amazon.com generation, DFW’s over-a-thousand-pages opus deals with the state of a world that’s entirely steeped in advertising and consumerism.

“I got bitten by a 6-year-old, will I turn into a 6-year-old?”

A great night for me is sitting around watching Family Guy, drinking a beer and masturbating.

What I never expected was that one of these guys would become a constant source of entertainment.

Broad declaration: there is no feeling more fantastic than those first few days at the end of summer when you walk outside in the morning to unexpectedly crisp air and…

As our religions, politicians, and parents tell us, violence is wrong. But as our music, video games, and movies tell us, it also sells. Here are five rappers who crossed…

2. Unless a short person asks you to, please don’t pick him or her up.

Who the hell is Dave Coulier? NO ONE KNOWS THESE THINGS.

You’re tired of consuming junk. You want a sex life that’s organic and locally-sourced and grass-fed. You want boring and predictable sex at 9:30pm before bed. A chore that’s like…

When we were young, all we could think about was growing up faster. We thought about the career we’d have, the dog, the children, our perfect spouses and have the…

I know my pick.

These courtships tend to flood themselves with awkward pauses, financial bracket litmus tests, and plenty of overzealous drink slam-downs–emphasizing the gravitas that is the collective struggle of dealing with their…

3. Go download a neato font for the GIANT, RED TEXT that’ll constantly appear everywhere in your erratic video.

Ordinary life does not interest me.

I am not telling you to leave your ever-so-posh Manhattan apartment and move to Missouri, however, if feel spontaneous and feel like a road trip, I encourage you to come…

You’ll love them because you know you’re meant to, and because this knowing comes from a place so deep within you, it’s something that cannot be reckoned with. It simply…

When you’ve gotten over the pain, staying in this third stage — the place where you don’t feel hungry, just empty and tired — becomes like a habit, the thing…

One time I farted on an ex-boyfriend’s head, and it was awesome.

Go to a free event. There is so much free stuff to do in the summer. Winter = we’re annoyed that it’s cold out so we’re going to charge for…

As I sat across from him with my chin in my palm, trying to think of topics of conversation that he might actually be able to partake in, I mentally…

Well, the idea of keeping a commonplace book has clearly struck a nerve. Not only did the article make the front page of Reddit and blow up on Facebook and…

Emily: As a child, your mother had an unusually large head. Lorelai: The best thing about it was that she would tell me — constantly. My first complete sentence was,…

You’ll take the word “yuppie” as a compliment thank-you-very-much.