16. Oh, this is…disturbing…

Well, she never did find out. But one time i was furiously masturbating at around the age of 14. You know, the days where you’d rub it out for an hour, teetering on the edge. Anyway, I decided that this was the home run and i’d finally finish the session. Right as I get that blissful, warm clarity just before orgasm, in walks mum with the laundry, chatting away about some irrelevant fucking story. Pants are down, the speakers are quietly on, porn in full screen. Needless to say, that one second i had to react seemed to last forever: What do i do first? Speakers off? Screen off? Pants up? Tissues to catch the load? I scooted my chair under the table (solving the pants down issue for the moment) and I quickly tabbed out to a youtube video I had prepared for post-batt entertainment and hit play (effectively drowning out the porn).

Happy ending you say? No. For the next 15 seconds I had the most intense, throbbing orgasm, shooting load after load all over myself – all the while trying to hold a conversation and fake interest in another one of my mum’s work stories. I’d love to say she buzzkilled my orgasm, but it was still awesome and that might be the most disturbing part. I had a deep, mind-blowing orgasm to my mum’s voice. – strugglestreet

17. Guys, it totally wasn’t me…

Not me, but 2 of my friends who were brothers were caught blowing air from a bicycle pump into their ass, then one of them farted for about 40 seconds straight then proceeded to shit all over the carpet.

It was not one of his most dignified moments. – JACKMHARRIS