5. Mom, like, WTF, can’t you SEE I’m trying to poop here?

This was when I was around 8 years old.

I went to bed, and I’d always had the habit of going to the toilet in my sleep. Half sleepwalking to the toilet, taking a shit/piss, and moving back to bed with the very vaguest knowledge of what happened the next morning.
One night, I did so as usual. I got up, went to the toilet, sat down and started my business.

For some reason, my mother came in after me, and started shaking me. I had no idea why, so I just kept going. I had to shit, ya know? She then started pushing me towards a seat, and was encouraging me to shit on the seat. Confused, and half asleep, I did so. What the fuck, it’s her problem getting feces off the chair.

Turns out I never originally made it to the toilet, instead I took a shit in the middle of the carpeted hallway. She was actually trying to guide me to the toilet.

Not the most dignified moment of my life. – Shadefox

6. It tastes…so…dusty…

I was watching police academy when I was about 8. there is a scene at a beach party where there are a few naked breasts on show. my mum walks in to catch me licking the tv screen where the bare breasts were. – mataranka