26. “Gag” gift
At some point in my early 20s, I (I’m female, btw) had bought myself a somewhat large “toy” to play with. I was recently single, and figured, if I am going to be stuck having sex with myself, I might as use a toy that was larger than life to make up for the fact it wasn’t attached to a man. It was actually a little TOO big, and I didn’t use it often, however once in while it brought me much happiness. I kept it in a shoebox underneath my bed, which I figured was safe enough.
Did I mention I had just moved back in with my parents after college while I was doing an unpaid internship? Yes, well, there’s that.
One night, my dad knocks on my door with a plastic bag in his hand, and announces he has found something he thinks might belong to me. “The puppy brought this downstairs, and it sure as heck doesn’t belong to me, but there’s NO NEED TO BE EMBARRASSED OKAY?” (of COURSE, my mother is disabled and bed bound, so she couldn’t take care of this situation and spare me the horror of having my dad return my huge dildo to me, I mean, god damn, what the fuck.)
He hands me the bag, obviously uncomfortable, and I look inside. Sure enough, our puppy dog had gotten into m shoebox and carried this ridiculously HUGE rubber cock with a suction cup on the end downstairs and laid it at my dad’s feet, like a big, giant prize. I yelled, “Oh my God, Dad, someone gave that to me as a joke for my birthday, it was supposed to be a funny gag gift!” to which he replied, “Oh yeah, when I was in college my friends and I gave someone something similar as a joke. You don’t have to be embarrassed. Were all adults here.” trying to spare me of the utter humiliation I was feeling.
I was so horrified I actually threw up. I couldn’t look him i the eye for about 2 weeks. However, i do have a really funny story to tell. That damned puppy, I couldn’t even get mad at him cuz he’s so damn cute. – Osusanna
27. This is such a horrifying scenario I can’t even…
A year ago, 18-years-old me was having sex with my girlfriend in my room. As I was almost finishing, my mom walks in, sees my girlfriend riding me, quickly turns face away laughing, said sorry, and does a double take and goes “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!”. She has noticed I wasn’t wearing protection (girlfriend was on the pill). My girlfriend dismounts me in panic, I get up, walk next to my mom, with the intent of pushing her out of the room, but I freeze. So here is my mom looking at me, naked with an erect penis, all of sudden, the train station calls, a full blown orgasm shoots a home-run stream, missing her because of my penis inclination.
I freeze, and the awkward silence goes on for 10 seconds, my mom can only say “Cle-clean yourself up, you kids keep it safe, I’ll be downstairs making dinner”. She leaves the room, and I’m still frozen in place with my girlfriend sobbing. – Scarfall