The term “black cat energy” has recently made waves on social media as people noticed a specific dynamic between an unbothered, empowered, confident woman and a doting “golden retriever” man who is drawn to her and will do anything to please her, as well as the more unnatural, people-pleasing “golden retriever” energy some women may approach dating with. But what is “black cat energy,” and how can you harness it to improve your dating and love life, attracting only high-quality partners while warding off toxic and narcissistic manipulators? Here are six behaviors you may exhibit if you have empowered “black cat energy” in your dating life.
They create distance between themselves and a dating partner.
Women with unbothered energy treat a potential dating partner like a possible liability, not an automatic benefit, because they know from deep within that co-mingling their lives with another person (especially a potentially toxic person) will take away time and energy from themselves, and they are not willing to make such a sacrifice unless a dating partner comes correct and stays correct long-term. They don’t allow their emotions for anyone to dictate their dating decisions and are ready to opt out of the relationship at any point their intuition warns them or their dating partner trespasses their boundaries and falls deep below their standards of being treated with the utmost respect. This differentiates the behavior of high-value women from other women who are desperate for partnership, because they are driven by their own standards and desires, not a need to please others or have a man just to say they have a relationship. To a woman like this, having just “any” man or relationship is not an accomplishment – their partners must be high-quality, or they’re better off alone. Therefore, they are less likely to try to make it work with a partner that exhibits red flags. Women with this unbothered, confident and dignified energy not only create space and time away from their significant other and dating partners, but they also actively embrace this space because they want to live their own independent lives. Naturally, this draws high-quality partners to chase them, and frustrates toxic, entitled people who want to consume her schedule. But for these women, this is not a game or a form of manipulation to get a man to chase them – it is simply their ingrained mindset and their default way of life.
They never approach relationships from the standpoint of fear of losing a man. They fear losing themselves and their dignity much more.
For a woman with this kind of captivating, unbothered energy, they do not look at relationships and dating from a place of fear but rather detached curiosity. They see dating more practically in the form of cost-benefits analysis of whether this relationship is actually fulfilling and adding value to their lives or detracting from it and causing stress. Their biggest fear is not in losing a man or relationship, but rather, losing themselves and their self-respect and dignity. That is why it is more difficult for a manipulative narcissist or toxic person to infiltrate such a woman’s life without facing consequences. This is not a woman who will allow you to escape accountability, and she isn’t led by the fear of losing someone who does not truly love or respect her. She won’t send long paragraphs pleading and begging a man to treat her well, which is exactly the type of attention narcissists and toxic people prey on – once she has reached this empowered state, she will begin speaking through her actions detaching from the relationship instead.
They play by their own rules and don’t submit to the “authority” of the man they’re dating. They speak through their actions more than words. They rely on their own inner authority and power, so it’s harder for a manipulator to take advantage of them.
Women with femme fatale “black cat energy” do not fall for tactics like love bombing as easily because they already appreciate and validate themselves. Any “validation” a dating partner has to offer is just a cherry on top, and her dating partners have to continue to offer value in order to stay in her life, as they do not trust people easily. Much like a cat, they will be alarmed at sudden incoming affection and dart away – you have to actually earn their respect and win their trust over time for them to even entertain you. These women cannot be controlled or coerced into lowering their standards. In dating, it’s important not to settle for low-effort dates, last-minute texts, any kind of ghosting or mixed signals. “Black cat energy” women have little time for mind games and will become easily bored with a dating partner who does not treat them the way they deserve to be treated. They will withdraw as soon as their dating partner begins withholding attention and affection, and they’re not afraid to pursue other options in dating.
They do what benefits them and not what pleases a man.
A woman who has more “golden retriever energy” (still can’t believe I wrote that sentence) is eager to please and will put the needs of their dating partners above their own, often making huge sacrifices just to maintain a relationship. It may seem like a silly analogy, but it’s actually pretty apt when you think about how many women are often socialized to bend over backwards trying to cater to their partners, only to feel betrayed when their partner does not reciprocate. Instead, women who have adopted “black cat energy” know that the world is already rigged against women socioculturally speaking, so they don’t feel the need to go overboard trying to benefit those who already have many advantages in this world. They operate from the viewpoint that they do not owe their dating partners anything, especially if their partners have fallen short in pleasing them. They think about their own needs very carefully and do what is best for them – whether that means declining a date that is not suitable, not calling back a dating partner at an inconvenient time, or only making plans when she is well rested. As a result, her dating partners respect her time more and know they have to impress her in order to get her attention.
They “worship” and value themselves and put themselves on a pedestal, so others feel compelled to dote on them.
A femme fatale woman with “black cat” energy knows that if anyone should be put on a pedestal, it should be her, not a stranger she’s dating. This is kryptonite to any narcissist in the dating world who hopes that by idealizing her she will make him his entire world in turn. Unlike the pick-me woman, she won’t abandon her friends, loved ones, or dreams for a man. She prioritizes herself and puts herself first. This comes from a place of grounded self-confidence, not hubris. Narcissistic and toxic partners who seek to control this type of woman will be left sorely disappointed. Even the most persuasive of narcissists, even if they love a challenge, will eventually reveal their true entitled selves when they cannot meet her standards, because they’re not capable of making the investment she deserves. She knows her worth and is independent enough to pursue her own goals, ambitions, friendships, and dreams outside of romantic relationships. She invests in herself. This makes her an intriguing catch – someone who is multifaceted and fascinating, who does not rely on someone else to complete her. As a result, high-quality men are drawn to her and want to be part of her exciting life, and the wrong men will struggle to keep up. The right men will want to meet her standards and respect her boundaries long-term, while toxic partners will prove exactly why they are not worthy of her.
