Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

I’m slowly learning to forgive myself for being a person. For failing. For making mistakes. For failing other people and myself. I’m slowly learning to forgive myself breaking. For being overly emotional and sensitive. I’m slowly learning to forgive myself for hurting and healing and starting all over again. 

I would rather be alone. Because being alone is better than being treated like trash. Being alone is better than being let down. Being alone is better than being with someone who talks and flirts and kisses other girls when you’re in the exact same room. And being alone is 100% better, than being with you.

So sorry to disapoint you, but I’m keeping my standards high. And that doesn’t make me a bitch. That doesn’t make me snobby. That makes me brave and courageous. Because I’d rather be single for a long time, than get mistreated by people who don’t give a crap about me. I’d rather love myself, than to be half loved by some asshole who only wants to get in my pants.

He taught me how to fall and break and crumble. But he also taught me that I am stronger than I think. And eventually, I began to build myself back up. Without his hand to hold.

I should have walked out after you kissed me gently and hard all at the same time. I should have walked out when I knew I was falling and when I knew you weren’t. I should have stopped myself. Because I knew better than to fall for someone like you. I knew better than to fall for players.

I experienced love for you, but most importantly love for myself after you left.

No matter what, do not ever blame them. Don’t tell them that they are weak. Don’t tell them to try harder. Don’t tell them that they aren’t working fast enough. Don’t ever blame them for how their brain works. That’s only going to add fuel to the fire.

Smile because you are surviving. And sometimes, that’s all anyone can do.

When you find a love that lasts, don’t give up. Don’t turn away when you see your partners own version of ugly. Don’t turn away from their flaws and imperfections. When you find a love that lasts, don’t expect it to be a fairytale. Don’t expect to be made up of magic. But don’t let that stop you from falling.

Don’t settle. Don’t settle even if he or she seems perfect to you on paper. Don’t settle for someone just because they are gorgeous. Don’t settle for anything less than what your gut is telling you. Don’t settle for the rich, when their hearts don’t match the amount of money they make. Don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t make your heart feel held.

Your real friends won’t sugarcoat the truth. They won’t lie to you just to make you feel better. They are going to tell you the harsh reality of any situation you find yourself in. Because they know you better than you know yourself. 

And as much as it hurts to write this, I love my life. Without you in it.

Aquarius: For this sign, they are normally upbeat and cheerful. However, sometimes their depression can be triggered from feeling misunderstood and like they don’t belong anywhere. Even with their best friends, sometimes they feel like they belong in a different world. 

What we had was special. What we had was something that I will never forget. But what we had is long gone. What we had is done. I don’t know why it took me so long for that to latch onto my heart. I don’t know why it took me so long to accept that fate isn’t in the stars for us. Fate isn’t on our side. Maybe it never was.

You expect them to agree with you no matter what. You expect your partner to go along with everything and to just follow your plans. You get easily fed up when they don’t do or say what you think they should. You expect perfection, but this is reality, not a fairytale.

I’m not the best at anything. But I can tell you, I’m damn near close to being the best at loving people. 

Gemini: A lot of people don’t understand your nervous ticks that seem to overtake you in every circumstance. But as a Gemini, you were born to have an anxious heart. You overthink every little thing to the tiniest of details, and many people roll their eyes at you for doing this. But for you, it helps you relax to know exactly what is happening at every moment. 

When he wakes you up in the morning, he tells you you’re beautiful (even though you look like a hot mess).