How To Be Alone (And Not Be Lonely)

Jeff Isy

It’s going to take time. Nothing that is truly beautiful in this world happens overnight. So be patient. Be patient with yourself and with your progress. Be gentle to your heart.

Spend your mornings waking up to the sun, instead of to someone else. Spend your mornings leaving your unmade bed empty. Spend your mornings drinking and eating and thinking, on your own. Wake up earlier than usual. Grind your favorite coffee and watch it turn to dust. Pick up your boiling kettle and slowly pour it into your mug. Listen to it. Drip. Drip. Drip.

Listen to the birds sing or crickets chirp. Feel the warmth from your mug slowly seep into your veins. Let out a breath. Take a sip and let your tongue dance with your coffee, instead of with someone else’s lips.

Notice that there isn’t anyone around you. Feel the void or the emptiness. But also feel the silence and the peace and the calm. Listen to your own heart beat, that just beats for you. For your life. Feel alone, but also feel alive.

Take your time going to work, whether it’s in your home or in an office. Breathe in the September air and hold onto the stillness instead of holding onto another hand. Smile because you’re alone and you’re not dying. Smile because you miss him or her, but you still have so much to look forward to. Smile because you’re still living through this loneliness.

Smile because you are surviving. And sometimes, that’s all anyone can do.

Take yourself out to lunch or to dinner. Order your favorite meal, the one that provides you with the same comfort that he or she used to give you. Order a tall glass of red wine and press it against your lips, cherishing the scent and the flavor and the coolness. Feel yourself growing comfortable with this idea that you can be alone. That you can do this. That maybe you didn’t need them after all. Feel yourself glow.

Know that healing is not linear. Know that you won’t always feel like this. That you won’t always feel empty without the love that broke you. Realize that you will one day be okay. And you will one day find love again.

But now is the time to be on your own. Now is the time to cherish yourself. To fall deeply in love with your own heart. And now is the time to adore yourself. Allow yourself to thrive, even when you miss them. Allow yourself to smile and to laugh without them.

Allow yourself to take up space. To take up room. Allow yourself to eat the leftovers and to take the extra spot in bed. Become enamored with yourself. And in return, you’ll realize that you never needed anyone else to be happy.

You just had to learn through loss, that all you needed to have is yourself. And that yes, one day, you won’t feel this sense of emptiness and hurt. And one day, you’ll love being alone. And you won’t feel a tinge of loneliness or heartache. And you’ll smile, remembering the day you thought that day was impossible. TC mark

Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

For more poetry and writing follow me on Instagram!

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

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