I was never sure about you. But I was sure about him.
I miss when the hardest thing about love was the question of timing. I miss when the biggest problem we ever had was when we were going to see one another again. When the only fight we had was who loved each other more.
Falling in love and being in love is the part that everyone wants. It’s the part that makes a love story, a fairytale. But fairytales end in happily ever after. Fairytales end in magic. And real life? It’s not a fairytale.
You see, you made me have butterflies again. It seems like a tiny thing. Like something so mundane, it wouldn’t even matter. But it matters to me. Butterflies matter to me. You matter to me.
I’m learning to let go of the people who are no longer in my life. To let go of the friends who aren’t here for me anymore. I’m learning to let go of the fact that I may have said something or done something to make certain people leave. I’m learning to let go of the people who chose to walk away, even if I didn’t want them to.
Anxiety is just a piece of you. A tiny part. It is not all of you. It is not your whole entire being and mind.
I want the kind of partner who is firstly my friend. Who will back me up when I believe in something that no one else does. A friend who will listen to me talk on and on about my worst day at work. A friend who will rub my feet on the couch even though they are exhausted too. I want the kind of partner who will be my safe place. My safe haven. And my person.
Love is being so, so beautiful together, but it’s also about being just as wonderful apart.
We are our own worst enemies. And when we fail or get broken hearted, we blame it on ourselves and put ourselves down to the extreme. We are our own worst critiques and tell ourselves truly terrible things. To say we have low self-esteem would be an understatement.
It’s too late to do that or to date him or to change careers. It’s too late for me.