Even Though I Want To, I Understand Why We Don’t Talk Anymore

brunette girl
Yoann Boyer

I get it.

We were in love. Magically, wonderfully and desperately in love. And it’s been so long. So long since we had a conversation. Since you said hi. Since we even said ‘happy birthday’ to one another.

Has it really been five years?

I want to ask you everything. I want to ask how your love life is. I want to ask about who you are now. Because I don’t know you anymore. And maybe you want it to be like that. 

But it’s okay. Because I understand. I understand why we can’t say something as simple as a ‘hello’.

What we had was something not many people experience. What we had was something that was rare and sacred. We were once in a lifetime.

Maybe what we had is long gone. Maybe what we had is just a fragmented memory for you. Maybe you rarely think about it. Maybe you rarely think about me.

And that’s okay.

I’m not in love with you. I was. A long time ago. But not anymore.

And I get it. I understand that you don’t want to open up the past. You don’t want to pour alcohol over old scabs. You don’t want to be reminded of me. You don’t want to feel that heart break all over again.

All I wanted was to say hello. There wasn’t anything after that. There wasn’t an ulterior motive.  You were a part of my life for three years. You were my LIFE. You were my person and my best friend.

So now, I wish we could talk. I wish we could say hello. I wish we could joke like we used to. I wish we could make one another smile.

But I understand why. I understand why you won’t ever respond. What we had was rare and beautiful and big. But it’s gone now.

And we have to leave us behind.

I have to leave you behind. TC mark

Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

For more poetry and writing follow me on Instagram!

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

“It’s just wondrous how every time I go through some emotional trauma, your posts are so relatable and it gives me so much hope. I love the writing and the photos. It’s all a pleasure to read. I can’t thank you enough for it, really.” — DM from @ThoughtCatalog Instagram follower

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