I’d like to say the moral is that make-up is totally useless and I never wear it now. This would be a lie. A kind of judgmental lie.

I still can’t believe there’s a movie about a girl making a bet with her stepbrother that if he can get a virgin to sleep with him, he can also…

I can’t decide if I’m an adult or not yet, and most of my indecision comes down to the fact that when I think of adults, I think of them…

I hope I’m not a horror story! I’ve never screamed or bled or anything! I hope my vagina is just a faceless, run-of-the-mill normal vagina.

To help you keep the party going when your name is called, here are forty songs guaranteed to get the crowd off their feet and get you a series of…

3. Your new friends will only call you the name of your home state.

1. Confidence!

Sometimes I’m scared to go get stuff from the attic, spiders are terrifying. But I do it anyways.

I am alive. Very, very alive. For the first time in my life.

I don’t notice when you’re flirting with me. I try to be really nice to everyone I meet.

This would never work in the real word. If you stared at me blankly for 43 minutes after I asked you “What’s goody?” You’d be labeled a psychopath.

10. Turning everything into a casserole.

Never take cabs. Forget cabs exist. Forget that the color yellow is a thing cars can be.

THIS may be the BEST cover version… ever!

DO do it in the laundry room: It will be empty — especially at night. There’s really no other reason. Put a few coins in the machine for some extra fun.

8. You’ve stopped looking for shortcuts.

Being young enough to be misguided and directionless and have it still, somehow, be fairly acceptable.

Whenever I’m abroad, I’m completely disgusted by the lack of sandwiches. A white girl’s gotta eat!

For the women out there, pulling hair from your butt crack after a shower.

We need never be hopeless because we can never be irreparably broken.

TL; DR: If calling myself intelligent offends you; well, build a bridge…

7. You can do tricks with your face.

Sure, she’s man-made but guess what? There are actual women in the world that look like this. Like, a bunch of them.

When it comes to letting someone know you’re annoyed with an expressionless face, you’re all naturally magical Meryl Streeps.

“Dude those are so fresh,” I said. And they were. They were Converse All-Star High-Tops, Hawaiian flower print edition—available only to select Chinese retailers in 2012—and they looked hella clean.

Putting more fruits and vegetables on your plate, and eating those first before treating yourself to the less-healthy things. Making the choice to eat better is often very simple, and…

1. I’ve spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer… but no one will do it.

This week kind of sucked. It wasn’t Grade A suckage, like where a pet died or my favorite pizza place closed, but it was bad enough all I wanted to…

Katherine Heigl was a real bitch in High School. She would walk around like a little diva and all the teachers hated her (she was about 2 years into film…

I give you the ultimate 90s guilty pleasure playlist: chock full of your favorite songs… that you completely forgot existed.

“The truth is that you have to be the aggressor, and show people you’re interested, and show them that you’re not just content with where you are.”

“If it ain’t broke, it’s probably a Baby Boomer.”

We like to think that as much as it felt like love, our first romances were predicated on infatuation and newness — that what we felt wasn’t actually love. Yet,…