Madison Moore

6. “It’s fine.”

I’m hot cuz I’m fly, you ain’t cuz you not. This is why, this is why, this is why I’m hot.

17. People are forever going to refer to your races not as tones or hues but as flavors: chocolate, caramel, vanilla. “Sometimes I like a little bit of vanilla,” etc, etc, etc.

“Are you ready for a penising?”

“They told me my hair was unprofessional, that it wasn’t appropriate for the workplace.”

Con: Gloria Steinem would totally not sit with you.

Tear the club up.

Can you be-weave it? I, for one, am SPEECHLESS.

“I’m not trying to be racist but…”

Your crush just texted you to see what you’re doing, do you want to hang out. You’re so excited that you can’t even deal with breathing right now.

Is there anything worse than having sex with someone who is just laying there like a dead fish? Can you like wiggle your toes or maybe arch your back once or twice during the production? Jesus.

Taking your computer or phone to a specialist almost always leads to fun and embarrassment for everyone!

18. He will walk around in sweatpants that delicately enunciate his market value.

We always say, “I want to accomplish XYZ before I turn 30.” If you end up making it, that’s awesome. But why is “before 30” always the benchmark?

12. You don’t really express your feelings all that well. You expect people to know and understand how you feel already, and this has been a problem in at least one of your most significant relationships.

21. That you are going to get closer to the undergraduates than you think…!

All lesbians keep short fingernails.

8. When you spend hours in bed on Saturday night in a pool of potato chips, Coca-Cola and Sour Patch Kids, binge-watching your favorite Netflix shows. The world feels right.