My Ex and I used to refer to it as “Stir-fry”, as in “hey honey, do you want to come over tonight for some stir-fry?” and we’d actually usually be eating stir-fry before-hand. We ate a lot of Stir-fry…it’s healthy.
Ill give myself an erection, get under the covers and then make a ‘tent’ with my hard on. Then i’ll call her into the bedroom.
“Hold my dick.”
“Are you also not so tired?”
My ex and I used “laundry” as our code word for sex. One day we were in the car with my mom and he told me he needed my help with some “laundry” when we got home. My mother then asked him why he couldn’t just do it by himself, he told her it was a “big load.”
“You wanna go get weird?”
“You wanna put on the Cisco cd…”
“You’re on my “to do” list.”
My ex told me once, “Get ready, I Naired my asshole today.”
My GF said to me “I’m gona milk you with my labia!”
My girly simply just asks me if I want some Taco. Meat Taco.
My bf hits me in the face with his dick when I’m watching tv.
“Are you ready for a penising?”
I’ve said “wanna see a picture of the girl I’m gonna get with tonight?” Then I handed her my phone with the self-facing camera on. It took her a second but then she hit my shoulder and did that coy “stop iiiit”.
My SO and I use “socks” as a codeword for condoms. We basically use something along the lines of “I need a change of socks”, or “I REALLY need to put some socks on.”
“I want you to touch my wiener.”
“Oh my boobs just want to be free!” (I take my shirt + bra off.) “.. They look happy to see you! Won’t you come say hi ;)”
“I need you to put wood in the stove.” We proceed to the basement, have sex and then actually put wood in the stove because it’s damn cold in Maine this time of year.
Since I have young kids, we’ve come up with a few euphemisms for sex that we figure are safe in front of them. The current favorite is “making tomato sauce”. Do you want to make some tomato sauce later tonight? MMM, I do love tomato sauce, so tasty, can’t wait to make it with you.
“Let’s watch a movie.”
“I’m gonna cock box your tonsil’s”..They just melt into the floor when i say this.
My FB (fuck buddy) sends me a text message that says “what’s up?” I respond with “O’m free.” Then the booty call commences.
Back when I had a girlfriend if I was in the mood I’d simply press my boner against her at random times.
“come at me bro”
“Do you want to shut the door?”
“Whether it snows or not, tonight you’re getting 7 inches.”
“Can I see your Vagina? I just wanna look at it.”
I send him an emoji of a caterpillar. I don’t know really know why… but he knows what’s up when gets the ‘pillar.
Not me but this one girl I was dating would text golden lines: “Whatchudoin?” “Changing my car’s oil. and you?” “Well, I just bought a new dress and I wanted to show you how I look without it on.”
May you all get laid plentifully.