23 Definite Signs They Are Gay

Figuring out who “is” gay — what’s more generally referred to as Gaydar — is a past time that has fascinated humans for centuries. Today there are headless torso shots on Grindr, in the 70s there were color coded scarves, and even in the 19th century novels of Proust the young narrator learns to read gay signs. But at what point does Gaydar go from being a tell-tale clue to just another excuse to pull out age-old stereotypes? How do gay people find one another? I went over to r/Askreddit to see what signs people look for in deciphering if someone is gay. The only thing missing from the comments are all those people out there who have had or who have gay sex but consider themselves mostly-straight. So now’s your chance, mostly-straight people, to tell us how you do it!

1. KingWithNoLand

Its difficult sometimes, like yesterday was Houstons gay pride parade and I went with some friends. As I was standing enjoying the festivities this guy next to me kept trying to start up conversation and eventually offered me a drink. I eventually took that as maybe he’s interested. We started talking about random stuff just having a good time and I blatantly ask him if he’s gay. Turns out he’s straight, and just comes with his gay best friend every year. I at that moment stopped flirting out of respect, but still continued to talk to him. Turns out we got a lot In common and ended up swapping numbers, so I got a new bud lol.

2. Faapstad

Honestly, I’m really bad at it. I’ve flirted with many straight men, thinking they weren’t.

3. Jermdizzle

I’ve only been hit on by game men a few times in my life. Once in high school, whatever… once when I was 19 working at a hardware store by like a 50 year old gay dude. That shit was super creepy and now I understand how young women feel when old men creep on them nonstop. And one time more recently and it was just a big ego boost lol.

4. natniems

The way girls communicate oftentimes just seems like flirting, so trying to distinguish between being a “normal” girl and trying to get the P is so hard. Especially if you happen to lack all social tact.

5. alittlefallofrain

If, like me, you’re a lesbian who’s into feminine girls, you basically just end up hitting on a lot of straight girls and then crying about your tragic fate.

6. kdubw

It’s kind of a laugh as a lesbian. There are a lot of straight girls who are overly friendly with other straight girls. Girls are seemingly allowed a little more fluidity in sexuality and thus can be super confusing.

7. thatsthejokeguys

I asked a lesbian friend how to tell, just so I would know in the future, and her response? “Look at their fingernails. Lesbians have short even fingernails.” Worst advice ever.

8. rhish

It easy. We all hang out in public toilets learning Lady Gaga choreography.

9. pain-and-panic

What if someone replies, “I don’t know”?

10. hrhomer

“Wanna find out?”

11. talklouder

“No. But I’ll learn.”

12. goldiegoose

When I moved to London I found it impossible to tell which dudes were gay and then I saw a dude wearing shiny purple shoes making out with a lady and I thought ‘ you know what? this isn’t my fault.’

13. Advils_Devocate

I imagine its the same frustration guys get from flirting with a lipstick lesbian.

14. XxPaper

First, sexuality is something that can be very personal, just like you wouldn’t expect everyone to be open about their fetishes or fantasies, you shouldn’t expect everyone to be open about their sexuality.

15. justjacob

It’s all about the eye contact. I hardly ever make eye contact with anyone for more than a nanosecond, so, if I hold my gaze with a guy, it’s almost always because he’s gay and I’ve instinctually sensed it.

16. halfjack12

9/10 there is no way to know. It’s agonizing at times, like “is that cute guy looking at me cause he’s gay too and thinks I’m cute or is he looking at me cause I’m looking at him or is he looking at me cause he thinks I’m gay and wants to punch me for looking at him?” Every goddamn day.

17. wwad77

I’m a lesbian and I am into butch lesbians, which makes spotting them in public pretty easy.

18. AlcoholicTiberius

How do you know the person you’re hitting on is straight?

19. Taniastar

Nobody rocks a deep V like a gay man. If he looks comfortable in a deep V tshirt then you can almost guarantee he is gay. Straight guys always look awkward wearing them.

20. CMontgomeryBierns

I got my gaydar half-off at RadioShack. I find myself trying to talk to straight girls so often. It doesn’t help that I’m rather effeminate. Girls assume I’m straight too. So gay ladies ignore me and straight girls think I’m calling them cute because I like their clothes. The best was when some girl said to me “Ugh! You’re so lucky! I totally wish I could pull off that top!” I responded by telling her she can pull off my top all she wants. Cringe.

21. VikingNYC

I live in NYC. The odds still aren’t overly favorable at a pride event. Damn tolerant allies and their friends! Don’t they know what they’re doing to us?

22. MikeBx

At my gym there is a guy who was there the same time I was 3 times a week(5:30pm right after work). Since at the times I go I always see the same 10-15 people you end up chit chatting at some points. One day he asked if I had a girlfriend, I said why? He said he thought I was cute and wanted to know if I liked girls or guys lol. I was like “I’m flattered but I have a girlfriend”. We laughed about it and still shoot the shit sometimes between sets.

23. Barbie_Museum

One word: Grindr.

And there you have it. Is Gaydar a “thing” for you? How do you use it? Thought Catalog Logo Mark

image – Shutterstock

Author of How To Be A Pop Star.

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