Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

People need to realize that everyone’s brains are wired differently. Everyone needs different amounts of care and medicine. I have a close friend who takes the smallest dosage of Zoloft, meanwhile I take the highest amount. It doesn’t mean that her anxiety is any less than mine. It’s just brain chemistry.

I fell in love with the fall, and with him, all at once. And I knew right then and there that I was never going to fall back down.

All I know is that I want to quit you, I want to quit this game, but then I see your face and all my logic goes out the window. I see your smile and all my strength leaves my body. I wish I knew how to quit you. If I could, I would.

Please don’t mistaken lust for love. Because it’s only going to end in pain and a hurting heart. It’s only going to end in an ending. Because lust is almost always going to be short lived. It’s just a chemical reaction. It’s not a promise of forever. It’s not real.

Fuckboys are charming. They leer you in with their fantastic smile and tricks up their sleeve that they have recycled in their long list of lovers. They win you over on the first date, telling you that you’re different. Telling you that they won’t hurt you or destroy.

As an Aries, you’re incredibly stubborn and independent. Your need for space and for too much ‘me’ time is causing an immense amount of tension and awkwardness in your relationship.

Your self esteem has always been low, but as you have grown up and had relationships and breakups and heartaches, it has plummeted. You never think you’re good enough for anyone and you continually question why people even hang out with you.

I always figured by the time I would turn 21, I would feel so adult. So grown up. So put together. But to be honest, I’m 24 and I don’t feel like that at all.

It’s okay to wallow. To have a few days of doing nothing, of feeling empty. You’re allowed to be upset. You’re allowed to feel heartbroken. You’re allowed to be angry. Just because it wasn’t ever official doesn’t change the fact that there was something there. Just because it wasn’t ever official doesn’t mean you didn’t feel it. That maybe love was knocking on your door.

These guys are cowards. And they don’t deserve my strength and my vulnerability and my beauty. So I think, I’m giving up. Not forever. But for now. I’m so tired of trying so hard with little success. I’m so tired of wanting love so badly, and never even getting to the dating part.

I can’t help this chemical imbalance. I can’t make it go away. So it’s true, I’d be a completely different person without my anxiety. I’d be brighter and shinier, like brand new shoes from DSW. I’d be so vibrant.

The love you deserve might be lurking right around the corner at any moment of any given day.

Our brains are hurricanes of ‘what ifs’. Our minds are miles and miles of questions. Of unanswered messages. Of cancelations. Of suspicion. Of losing control.

Know that healing isn’t linear. Understand that you are not always going to feel great about yourself and about your life. Understand that this is normal. It’s okay to not be okay. You are human. 

People with anxiety don’t back down. We don’t stop. We don’t give up. Even when we have three panic attacks in a row. Even when we have to go to the ER just for someone to convince us that we aren’t dying. Even when we have to change medications over and over again.

They dress up for themselves, not for men or for anyone else. Strong women want to look their best because it makes them feel good. It isn’t for anyone else. It’s for their happiness and joy. Clothing is an art form, not a runway show for people to whistle at. 

Nothing good will come from bottling up your heart. Nothing good will come from repressing your every emotion. Nothing good will come from living a lie.

I realized that I was never going to be fully happy until I could learn how to grieve, how to fail, how to grow, and how to succeed — all on my own.