It was never official. He was never your boyfriend. She was never your girlfriend. But the feelings were there. At least, you thought they were. It built up. You started fantasizing. You started getting your hopes up, because you had no reason not to.
And then they stopped. Stopped answering your calls. Stopped answering your texts. It went from a constant to a nothing. It went from 100 to 0. And they gave you no reason why. They didn’t have the decency to tell you why.
You spend a few days trying to get their attention. You send texts, trying to act like nothing is wrong. You send them snapchats, hoping your face will change their mind. You pretend like everything is fine. But nothing is fine. And they never respond. They are just gone. Vanished into thin air. A ghost you never even knew. A ghost you gave a part of yourself to.
It’s okay to wallow. To have a few days of doing nothing, of feeling empty. You’re allowed to be upset. You’re allowed to feel heartbroken. You’re allowed to be angry. Just because it wasn’t ever official doesn’t change the fact that there was something there. Just because it wasn’t ever official doesn’t mean you didn’t feel it. That maybe love was knocking on your door.
You’re allowed to cry, to breakdown, to weep. Allow yourself to feel that. To feel the pain of letting go. To feel the pain of false hope. To feel the pain of being let down. Of being ignored. Of feeling like you aren’t good enough.
Drink too much to try to numb yourself. Party too much to try to be happy. Realize that it’s not working. That drinking away your feelings is just making everything so much worse.
Wake up with a pounding headache and a thirst for him or for her. Pick up your phone and decide to call up a friend instead of them. Hover over their name and their number and press delete.
Feel a tiny bit better as days pass. Walk a little bit faster. Smile a little bit wider. Feel sad again, and pick yourself up amongst the ruble. Begin again. Begin to heal. To break and to heal, all at once.
Realize that maybe this was supposed to happen. That maybe this person that you put up on a pedestal, is actually a coward. That maybe this person was completely wrong for you. Come to the realization that you are better than him or her. That at least, you have the guts to feel. That at least, you have the guts to fall. At least, you know how to love.
Know that someone is out there for you. Someone who isn’t going to hesitate. Someone who isn’t going to make you question yourself. Someone who isn’t going to rain down on your thunder. Someone who isn’t going to make you break down. Someone who is going to want to feel everything with you. Someone who is going to make you smile, because you know that it’s real.
Wish this person well. Forgive them for letting you down. For breaking bits and pieces of you. Wish them goodbye. Wish them love. Wish them courage.
And don’t look back. Just keep walking forward.