8. WHAT THE FUCK
My sister-in-law decided to use my house as a pit-stop once when we were away for a weekend:
- Fucked her boyfriend (or someone else) on our guest bed, didn’t clean the sheets.
- Visible crusted cum on the sheets, and I think on my couch in the basement as well.
- Condoms (unopened) laying all around the room like presents for my kids to find.
- Put her takeout in a dresser drawer, so like a bonus when her omelette went rancid a day or two later and we opened the door we got a special smelly gift.
9. What kind of kid does this
I had friends over for dinner with my parents and grandparents in high school, and my one friend was being so disrespectful at the dinner table. Dropping F bombs left and right, talking about chicks he wanted to bang, making rape jokes. I kept glaring at him to cool in it from of my fucking grandparents but he just kept going on and on.
He finally shut up when my grandma just said, “If this one was mine, I’d whoop his behind for speaking like that.”
Then it was an awkward silence until my (usually quiet) grandpa said, “Mmhmm. Probably kill ‘im.” We all laughed and he never came over for dinner again and now he got this girl who works at the gas station pregnant, dropped out of college, and works at a Gamestop.
10. Your bond only gets stronger this way
My buddy drank about ten shots of vodka and washed it down with a bag of gummy worms and a few donuts. He soon passed out sitting up on my couch with his head tilted back. Within ten minutes he was spewing vomit like a fountain into the air all over himself so I ran over to him and guided him outside where he coated my patio with puke.
At this time I was really squeamish with puke so I gave him a roll of paper towels to get some of it off my table. He takes the whole roll in hand and uses it as a squeegee to scrape it onto the carpet before he slinks down into the vomit-encrusted couch to go back to sleep.
We’re still best friends.
