7. Why do people do this? Why?
Had a friend in high school. Went to his house for the first time and everything smelled like piss. Turns out he had a dog and his family never bothered to potty train or clean up after it. Everthing in the house was covered in old dried up urine and fresh puddles. While I was there the dog peed on my friend’s bed and he didn’t even care. He literally sleeps in his dog’s piss. Even I got pissed on.
Never went to his house again.
8. Was he a murderer or something?
My friends dad. When I was a kid I used to stay for dinner as kids do. But the dad would not eat with us. The mom would make a plate of food, take it down the hall and slide it halfway under the door to the basement. A few seconds later the plate would slowly slide under the door. Nobody at the house seemed to think this was odd but I thought it was weird as fuck.
The other odd thing this family did was every weeknight at 7:00 on the dot, the family would clear out of the living room so the dad could come and watch Star Trek. Once the show was over, he would go back into the basement and the family would move back into the living room. Fucking what?
The father was quiet, but seemed to be normal other than those odd habits. The family thought none of that was weird and my friend thought it was “funny” my dad ate with us at dinner.
9. It’s true though, the most important shit happens when you’re in the bathroom
Bathroom machete. Because, you know, “Just in case, man.”
It’s literally nothing more than a real machete that hangs in their bathroom, so if someone breaks in while you’re fighting dirt dragons, you aren’t at a total disadvantage. Everyone there was surprised when I said I’d never heard of it.
I now keep a bathroom hammer handy, because goddammit, it’s a great idea.
