24. Just like Star Wars
I had a friend named David and he invited me to his house once. Little did I know that his family were horrific hoarders. You couldn’t see the floor of his house, and I was literally stepping in bowls filled with cereal.
At one point, I saw a snake just slither through the refuse and immediately made up an excuse that I was sick so I could go home. What a nightmare.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7U3Oti2L8S4&w=584&h=390%5D
25. Uh, is this legal?
One summer when I was about 13 a friend of mine had a friend from her school that invited us over to go swimming in her pool. We go to her place and are shown to her room to change. As I’m changing my friend suddenly whispers “what the fuck?”. I turn around and see a bunch of used sanitary pads lined up on this girls desk. She comes to join us in her room and my friend flat out asks her what the pads are all about. She says very plainly “they’re for my dad so he can check that I’m not pregnant”.
26. Basically a rimjob
Growing up, my one friend’s family used boxed tissues for everything…dinner napkins, paper towels, toilet paper, dish drying….everything, and they really weren’t all that stressed on throwing them out right away. Everywhere you’d look there were these little piles of used tissues. I remember asking my friend about it…He told me that they left them lying around to dry out in case they needed to use them again, and also because the cats liked to play with them. Another family I knew licked the tops of all their condiments in order to keep them clean. I’de be over for dinner or something and the mom would squirt some mustard, lick the top clean & pass it to her son. One time I was over while they were having steak. The dad practically gave that A1 bottle a rim job before passing it to me…i passed.
27. He was…quite in love with himself
One of my wife’s co-workers invited us to a dinner party. He’s a very accomplished doctor who is, supposedly, considered the foremost authority in his specialty. I knew the man had a huge ego but nothing prepared me for what I saw when we went to his home.
As soon as we walked in the door there was a life size painting of himself that one of his patients had given him as a gift. Nothing strange about that, he saved a patients life and they were very grateful so they gave him a painting. His wife takes our jackets, hangs them up then walks us to his massive living room where the rest of the guests are mingling. As I looked around the room to take in what a magnificent home this man has I noticed that there are hundreds of pictures lining his shelves and walls. Every, single one of those pictures was of him. Not of his wife, not of his four children, not of his siblings, parents, or someone he admires. Even the pictures that looked like they may have been group photos were cropped so that only he could be seen.
I’m terrible at hiding my true feelings, my face usually gives me away every time but I spent the next hour desperately trying to pretend like this wasn’t remotely strange. After a few drinks I decided to head to the bathroom, I had to take a dump and I’m not shy about doing so at another person’s home. I walked into their guest bathroom, closed the door, lifted up the lid, sat down and grabbed one of a dozen books that were sitting next to the toilet. The first book I picked up is written by our host, so I picked up another book and it is also written by our host. I looked at the book ends and ALL of them are written by our host. Part amused and part disgusted I looked up and noticed there is a picture on a small table across from the toilet. It’s our host again, staring at me in the picture while I’m taking a dump…..
