26. Sis borrows laptop for “school work”
I thought nobody was home when I got home and remembered my sister borrowed my laptop to do her school work the night before. I go to her room to get it and she has it playing porn while she is pounding herself with a cucumber. I’ve never run out of the house so fast. Went and hung out with a friend til later when everyone would be home. Never mentioned what I saw to anyone until now.
27. Dad Was Not Amused
When I was a young boy (5 or 6 maybe) I remember going into my parents’ room at night to hop in bed with them and my father being completely naked when I just ran in and hopped in bed.
My mom thought it was the funniest thing ever and I can remember my dad being in a bad mood the entire time I laid there until (very quickly) he got me out of the room and back into mine.
I remember asking “why is daddy naked” and my mom said “Oh, he is just going to take a bath now”
1) My dad didn’t take baths 2) I only realized about 20 years later that I most likely just walked in on my parents about to get it on and my dad was in a bad mood because “fuck this kid” right?
28. Morning Glory
I was the one “walked in” on:
In high school I snuck out of the house late at night to meet some friends and let’s just say I was very hungry when I got home. So I raided the kitchen pantry and took the only two edible things that were ready to eat – plain tortilla chips and plain hershey’s chocolate bars.
I go up to my room and start eating the chocolate and chips. Mind you I sleep naked and it was a little warm in the house, so I’m naked on top of all of the blankets and with the state of mind I was in I was making a pretty big mess. Crumbs and chocolate bits getting all over my chest. …Well, then I pass out.
Here comes the problem. I have always been hard to wake up. We’re talking now I have to set 12 alarms every morning for work. So every morning my parents (mom until this incident) would come to my room, open my door, turn on my light, say time to get up and close the door. Turning on the light was the only way to get me up and out of bed.
So, my poor mother comes to my room to wake 17 year old me up. And as a 17 year old boy, who is just waking up, I was FULLY ERECT. Door opens, light flips on, and there is her son laying like a dead starfish on his bed, chips crumbs and melted chocolate all over his chest, with a RAGING boner. Not only that but from her angle she is staring right down the devil’s alley at my taint/balls/boner.
So she screams at the top of her lungs. This scares the shit out of me, so I wake up and start screaming at the top of my lungs. Now she’s kind of running in place flapping her arms around screaming, I’m screaming naked in horror in my bed, and my dad comes bounding over thinking something is wrong and bursts the door fully open. He yells “OH WHAT THE FUCK!” I try to yell “GET OUT” and cover myself but really just manage to yell, “GEEEEEEROUFFF!!!!” as I rip the blanket up and fall off the bed to the side.
Breakfast was quiet that morning.