1. Young at heart
I was living with my grandparents when I was about 19 years old, and I came home early one day from work. I walked into the bathroom and saw my grandfather who was like 80 at the time, butt naked staring at himself in the mirror. He was smiling and shaking around his schlong.
After we both made eye-contact, we both said “oh shit”…and just turned around….
I’ll never forget that image in my head as long as I live.
2. Dad The Tattoo Artist
About 6 years ago when I was in high school I walked out of my room to see my father putting a temporary tattoo of a spider on my mom’s ass. We made very brief eye contact before I did a U-turn back into my room. Parents are weird, man.
3. Mom’s Best Friend
When I was 8 I walked in on my dad banging my mom’s best friend in my bed. She was babysitting and he was supposed to be at work. They were loud, and I went to see what the noise was. My dad screamed at me to go away, so I got out of there without actually seeing them.
I told my mom when she got home, and she ended up spending the night in jail for breaking her best friend’s nose. When she got home she beat the shit out of my dad with a baseball bat. Wasn’t the first or last time he cheated on her either.
I got an awesome new Princess Jasmine bedding set out of it, though.