Sylvie Quinn

Aries: You’re well-practiced at bouncing back.

These erotic stories featuring your favorite celebrities are impossibly juicy. Read on!

Join me for a collective EEK!

We ate our body weight in guacamole.

Sagittarius: This July is going to be somewhere between “meh” and “eh” for you.

Pisces: Embrace a minimalist attitude and clean out your closet, your desk, or the fridge.

All’s fair in love and war.

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went just OK.

Scorpio — There’s something better percolating in your life if you would only open your eyes to see that.

Xertz — (v) to gulp down quickly and greedily

You want to choose something that will fit our baby boy or baby girl perfectly. Here are some heavenly celestial names for your baby:

Pisces: You’re overwhelmed by all the fond memories.

What do you call an award-winning monkey? A chimpion!

How does a 20-something pig hit on someone? They invite them over to Netflix and swill.

I had the best ice pun to tell you. Problem is, it slipped my mind.

How does a wine connoisseur decide what to drink? On a case by case basis.

Have we been to this café before? I’m getting déjà brew.

Why did the tomato blush? Because it could see the salad dressing!