While it can occasionally suck to not have someone hanging off your arm at parties or warming your bed on chilly Sunday mornings, I have gained some valuable lessons from my perpetual singlehood and ongoing quest to find someone who will actually date me.
The overachiever is always the first person in the seminar to use words like “hermeneutics.” They come to class with detailed notes, typed, of course, so as to more easily access their flashes of brilliance.
While the man is occasionally the smaller spoon, it is common knowledge that any man who acts as the little spoon any more than five percent of the time has little to no say in the relationship.
You are the girl that every girl asks “OMG WHAT PRODUCT DO YOU USE” when you post selfies on your blog. You have got the perfect combination of length, well-conditioned softness, and complete absence of ugly breakage or split ends.
I’ve only been back at work for a few days, but already I’m noticing that the more wholesome activities are quickly dropping out of my life: walking, exercising, reading, meditating, and extra writing.
Now it’s time to check out and also time to ask yourself: “What’s my highest-performing investment of the year?” The answer is Chipotle.
I’ve mastered the art of changing topics, deflecting and using sarcasm to escape the grasps of any intimate or layered question thrown my way. It’s not a purposeful, focused defensive plan — it’s more of an uncontrollable curse.
I love my family with all my heart. That being said, I don’t think I would ever hang out with them if we didn’t come from the same gene pool.
30. Carry a bag from a designer store as your everyday tote. I know your lunch is not from Yves Saint Laurent because those people don’t eat, so I don’t know why you just pulled a salad up out of that bitch.
Robert Stack has heard it all. When he called a Mystery “unbelievable and compelling,” you better listen up.
The moment you step foot into an Apple store, you are bombarded with a bunch nerdy dudes named like “Steve” or “Dan” dressed in blue tee shirts and beyond eager to assist you. They genuinely want to know how your day is going and how THEY can make it better. IS THIS A DREAM?
It may be hard to believe, but “I’m your biggest fan,” is about the least impressive thing you can say to someone who hears it almost constantly — in fact, I’m pretty sure the guy in front of you just said exactly that, and he’s got the tattoo to prove it.
I’m going to have my dream job and take meetings with people at chic places like Jamba Juice! Being in your twenties is about living out your dreams!!! Everyone finds success.
You wanted things from me and you knew how I felt about you and you used those feelings and you used me. So I want you to know how I feel now, since you knew how I felt then.
