The 10 Most Important Things You Need To Know To Effectively Pick Someone Up

1. Do not actually do anything that makes it seem like you are hitting on them. Do not employ pick up lines or cat calling or any of that shit. You will be immediately written off.

2. Realize that this isn’t some game to be won, these are people. And you are a person. And regardless of sex or gender or identity or performance you are just two people getting to know one another, and a lot of what I’m about to say is universal for two people who just want to get naked and touch each other.

3. Pay attention. Pay attention to what they’re wearing and how they smile at you and things you’re going to want to remember if it goes anywhere… but more importantly, focus on them and not yourself. How many times, when talking to someone we’re interested in, we lose track of what they’re saying just trying to come up with a witty response? Probably too often. Be present. Be with them. Be attentive.

4. Listen and respond. You have to converse with them, not just mindlessly sustain small talk, to really get to know them. Listen to what they’re saying beyond their words. Respond accordingly.

5. Win over the BFF. The best friend loves you? You are in. You are so in that you are going to get 24/7 promo from that best friend. Literally, the person my best friend wants me to be with is always telling me that’s how she feels, so I mean, tried and proven true my friends. Tried and proven true.

6. Find commonalities. You’ll spend the night talking at each other if you don’t find common ground, or at the very least things that you are mutually content with having a conversation about.

7. Use what you have, don’t waste time faking what you don’t. It will seem unnatural, forced, and overall more unappealing than just being whatever it is you are or aren’t, no matter how insecure you are about it. If you’re shy, be shy, if you’re ridiculously outgoing, you’re ridiculously outgoing. I think Adriana Lima said something like that, heh. But really, stick to what you know and who you innately are. It’s your best bet, always.

8. Ask them questions about their lives that are beyond just “what do you do?” Ask them where they grew up and what they did last weekend and how they feel about x, y or z… but steer clear of anything heavy because “hey, what do you feel is the most plausible solution for the government shutdown” is probably not a conversation that’s gonna get you anywhere but in a political argument.

9. Do not talk about your exes. Do not talk about all of your failed relationships and how lonely and desperate you are. Even if that’s the honest truth, I promise you the first thing that’s going through anybody’s mind is “okay… why are they perpetually alone?”

10. Let it go if it’s not working. Few people are going to outright tell you they aren’t interested and they want you to leave them the hell alone, because they don’t want to hurt your feelings like that. So you have to be able to pick up on their more subtle messages. If someone is interested, you’ll know. It’s less of a guessing game than it is how honest we want to be with ourselves. TC Mark

Part time writer. Full time bad ass bitch. Brunch-having New Yorker.

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