1. Ask for emotional support, but leave it at that

I don’t know if it’s because some guys fear they’ll seem too effeminate, but they tend to ask for emotional support, while keeping their emotions tightly sealed. We aren’t mind readers.

2. Be overly jealous and possessive

Men often confuse jealousy with love and this is one sure-fire way to fuck a girl up. The way you are acting—i.e. possessive and obsessive—suggests love, but it isn’t love and will therefore always succeed in disappointing us. The problem becomes even more confusing when men aren’t even cognizant of the fact that what they’re feeling is jealousy and not love.

3. Break up with her before you’re 100% sure it’s what you want

It would solve a lot of problems if men broke up with women only after they’re absolutely certain this is what they want. Try picturing her sleeping with someone else. Can you stomach that? If not, then I would recommend re-evaluating your decision. Too many guys end relationships nowadays, only to keep these girls strung along because they are too uncomfortable with the idea of her moving on.

4. Ask for a break so you can strengthen your relationship

This is the oldest trick in the book. Even if you do mean this sincerely, this is in no way going to offend her less than a run-of-the-mill breakup. Telling her it’s because you want to strengthen the relationship? That’s literally the first lesson they teach in Bullshit101 and no girl will fall for it. If you’re asking for a break, that means that you are not in it for better or for worse. You’re in it, until shit gets a little bad, and then you’re out. End of story. This whole lets-take-a-break-to-be-stronger bullshit only works if it’s a mutual decision.

5. Break up with her and tell her you’re not seeing other girls

This is just another way of keeping a girl strung along for solely your own benefit. If you break up with your girlfriend, do her a favor and let her live her life. Don’t keep her stifled under false hopes that you aren’t seeing anyone or that you want to get back together. And maybe you’re not seeing other girls, but telling her that is probably the most selfish thing you can do. After breaking up with her, the least you can do is let her try and move on.

6. Hide your phone from your girlfriend whenever you’re texting

Nothing is more obvious than a man trying to hide his phone from his girl. Nothing.

7. Don’t invite your girl out with you

It’s one thing to have a night with your guys, but it’s quite another thing to go out and party with guys and girls and not invite your girlfriend with you. Part of the fun of dating is going out with your girlfriend and getting drunk, taking her to your parties and vice versa. Ladies, if your man doesn’t invite you out with him LEAVE HIM.

8. Flirt with other girls in front of her

Um, quick question to all the dudes out there: would you like it if your girl was blatantly flirting with guys in front of you? No? Then don’t do it to her.

9. Texting etiquette

Perhaps your girl sends you a really long text spilling some long-oppressed emotions. Writing back with a curt “k” or “yeah” will infuriate her to no end. As will flat-out not responding.

10. Start dating a girl before you’re over your ex

If you aren’t over your ex, be sure that your girl will be able to sniff out that ex stench all over you. You may not realize it, but you’re making it abundantly clear.

11. Disparity between how you treat her in private vs. how you treat her in public

Don’t ask me why, but it’s always important to women that their men take them out in public, and proudly too. If a dude is hesitant to be seen in public with you, that’s a glaring red flag, and nothing you should stand for.

12. Indecision

Assertiveness is a quality women like in their men. Which is to say that taking 2 hours to decide what you want for dinner is not the most redeeming quality. And we all know that this is only a reflection of your deep-seated and pervasive fear of commitment. You d-bag.