1. He fell naked onto a squash, which accidentally went all the way up his ass.
“Patient fell whilst he was naked. Onto a squash. It went straight up his arse. Then his boyfriend tried to get it out but pushed it in a bit further. I managed to keep a straight face throughout, handed him over to the hospital and made it almost to the doors before I broke down.
2. He Super-Glued his hand to his penis.
“A man came in having Super-Glued his hand to his penis. Everyone knew that someone had pranked his lube. But he kept claiming that he had an itch and was putting cream on it and the cream had become solid.”
3. ‘That must have been a very accurate fall, Father.’
“Priest with old school Brut bottle all the way up his sigmoid. He told me he fell. Being stupid young and not thinking of my career I quipped back, ‘That must have been a very accurate fall, Father.’”
4. I found them naked from the waist down with fish-tank tubing connecting their urethras—they were pissing back and forth into each other.
“Oooo i worked in a hospital. Did EKG for the ER and was also a nurse tech. A couple was admitted 40-something-year-old dude, and 20-something female. I was called for two monitors. Came in behind the curtain to the two in the same bed. Odd, I thought. Removed the covers to find them naked from the waist down with fish-tank tubing connecting their urethras (piss holes). I was taken back, but moved on professionally hooking them to EKG monitors. I asked the doctor wtf was going on. He did they were pissing back and forth into each other and the tube developed a suction leaving them bound together for the world to witness. I asked the doctor if they’ll need surgery, and he replied, ‘No, you simply cut the tube to break suction…but I’m leaving them hooked together until the emergency contact shows up.’ (i.e., the dude’s wife.)”