31. He pretended he had a stick in his urethra just to get us to touch his junk.
“Not really an injury, but we had a guy walk into the ER claiming to have a stick stuck in his urethra. He claimed that the reason a stick was in his urethra was because he put it there to help maintain his erection but then he ‘lost it.’ After several physical exams by multiple professionals, an X-ray was taken of his pelvis and penis (my job). Turned out to be negative. Doc ordered an ultrasound of bladder and penis. Also negative. The physician came to the conclusion if the patient could urinate then he was fine to leave, so they asked for a urine sample. The nurse gave the guy his cup and left the room. When she came back, in the urine sample was an obviously planted stick. It was far too awkwardly shaped to have ever been inserted. And if it was, no way it would pop out with urination.
TL;DR Guy tricked an entire ER into fondling his junk for most of an evening by pretending to have a stick in his urethra.”
32. He stuck a pencil in his urethra because he was ‘bored.’
“I worked at a jail for a while as the charge nurse. I got a phone call one night from the deputy working in the mental health housing unit. He tells me ‘Uh, we’ve got an issue over here……one of our inmates put something in his…uh dick.’ Oh Jesus Christ. So they bring him over, full shackles and belly chains and in red (he needs 2 deputies at all times). I ask him what he did. ‘Uh. I stuck a pencil in my dick.’ WHAT. THE. FUCK. So I take him to our exam room, get him up on the table and start looking at his dick. There’s no OBVIOUS pencil in it. Then I take his flaccid penis and bend it a little bit. And there it is. You can see it in his urethra. Best part was is that he broke it first and shoved the sharpened side in first. I sent his dumbass to the hospital and they had to do a cystoscopy on him to get it out. And of course his dick hurt really bad when he got back and it hurt to pee. No shit. Best part? I’d asked him why he did this and he replied ‘I was bored.’
33. Her husband was diddling her with a loaded gun and it accidentally fired.
“Had a patient had a ‘bullet ricochet into her vagina.’ Turns out her husband was dildoing her with a loaded gun and accidentally pressed the trigger. Not really self-inflicted, I guess.”
34. A priest came in with a broken lightbulb in his ass.
“A priest with a broken lightbulb in his ass. Everyone knew how it got there so no one asked, but every time someone would enter the room he would regale them with a tale of changing a light bulb naked, slipping and falling.”
